HABITS AT TABLE.
Nothing indicates the good breeding of a man so much as his manners at table. There are a thousand little points to be observed, which, although not absolutely necessary, distinctly stamp the refined and well-bred man. A man may pass muster by dressing well, and may sustain himself tolerably in conversation; but, if he is not nearly perfect in table etiquette, dining will betray him.
Any unpleasant peculiarity, abruptness, or coarseness of manner is especially offensive at table. People are more easily disgusted at that time than at any other.
One should never rest the arms upon the table, but keep the left hand, when not in use, lying quietly in the lap.
A man guest should never precede his hostess into or out of the dining-room, but should wait respectfully by the door for her to pass.
A soup-plate should never be tilted for the last spoonful.
The mouth should be kept closed in eating, and as little noise made as possible.
A goblet should be held by the stem, and not by the bowl.
Bread should be broken and not cut before buttering it to eat.
A knife should never be used at table except where one is unable to cut his food with his fork; it should never be used in conveying food to the mouth.
A knife should be held by its handle, and the finger not allowed to extend up on the blade. In eating with a fork it should be held in the right hand.
The fork is generally used with the tines curving upward.
Olives are eaten from the fingers; pickles, from a fork. It is usual to put either a small fork or a long-handled spoon with a small bowl on the dish containing olives or pickles, and one should use it in helping one’s self.
The tips of the fingers are put in the finger-bowls and may then moisten the lips. Both lips and finger tips are dried on the napkin, which is not afterwards folded.
Watermelons are eaten with a fork, and cantaloupes with either a spoon or a fork.
A baked potato should be eaten from the plate after it has been pushed out of its skin by the fork.
Dried beef is eaten with a fork.
Grape seeds may be removed from the mouth with the fingers. The seeds of watermelons should be taken from the fruit with a fork before the fruit is put into the mouth.
Fish bones are taken from the mouth with the fingers. Care, however, is usually taken to leave as few bones as possible in the fish, since the general use of the silver knife with the silver fork has made it easy to separate the bones from the meat.
Bananas are broken with a fork, and a piece is conveyed to the mouth on a fork.
When a servant offers one a dish, he should help himself without taking it from her hand.
When drinking from a cup, the spoon should be left in the saucer, where it also remains when the cup is empty.
It is not proper to eat gravy with bits of bread; instead, it should be regarded as a sauce, and simply eaten on the meat of which it forms a portion.
It is decreed by custom that the small bones of any bird may be taken in the fingers, and the meat eaten from the bone. But this must always be done daintily.
What is known as “layer cake” is eaten from a fork, and in serving it one uses either a pie-knife or a tablespoon and a fork.
Cheese is eaten with a fork.
After-dinner coffee is taken directly from the cup, and not from the spoon.
Crackers should be eaten from the hand, and not be broken into soup.
When bread is passed, one takes a slice as it is cut, and does not break it and leave a portion on the plate. Bread is always eaten from the fingers.
Raw oysters are eaten with a small oyster-fork from the shell. In helping one’s self to salt, the little salt-spoon is used, and the salt is placed on the plate.
When strawberries are served with their stems on, one picks one up by the stem, dips it into the soft sugar at the side of the plate, and eats it from the stem. Bonbons are eaten from the fingers. If a spoon is in the dish from which they are served, then one uses it; if not, the fingers are proper.
An apple or a pear may be held on a fork, and pared with a knife; or it may be quartered, and each quarter held in the fingers, and then pared. Dates are eaten from the fingers.
When one answers “thank you” to an invitation to partake of a certain dish at the table, “yes” is meant.
One should break a small piece of bread off the slice, then butter it and eat it. Only very small children in the nursery bite from a slice of buttered bread.
One need not fear to take the last piece on the plate when it is offered. It would be more impolite to refuse it.
It is very bad form to pile up, or in any way arrange the plates or small dishes put before one, for the benefit of the waiter. She should do her own work, which is to take away the plates without any help.
When one wishes for bread, or anything of that sort, he should simply ask for it, either addressing his request to the servant or, if there is none, to whomever the bread may be nearest, if it is on the table.
Upon leaving the table, and the signal for leaving is given when the hostess rises, one’s napkin should be placed upon the table unfolded, unless one is to remain for another meal.
At a formal dinner party the host should enter the dining-room first and with the lady in whose honor the dinner is given; the hostess goes into the dining-room last with the most important man guest, who should be seated at her right.
Where menus are used they should be placed on the left-hand side, beside the forks. When the dinner is over, at a signal from the hostess, the women rise and retire to the drawing-room, where coffee is usually served, the men remaining in the dining-room for coffee and cigars.
Five o’clock tea may be served in a variety of ways: the hostess may brew it herself in a teapot upon her tea-table in the parlor; she may make it by pouring boiling water over a tea-ball; or it may be served by either a man or maid servant in the dining-room. Its proper accompaniments are sugar, cream, sliced lemon, and either wafers, thin sandwiches, or cake.
It is in better form to have a luncheon served at a large table, especially when the guests do not number more than twenty, than to have small tables. Two o’clock is the fashionable hour for a luncheon; after it is over the guests usually disperse.
A host, in entertaining at a hotel or a restaurant, even if he entertains only one woman, should give the order for the meal himself, and save her the slight embarrassment it may be for her to make her own selection. The most courteous thing is for him to order the meal beforehand, but if the occasion is very informal and he prefers to wait until they are at the table, he should, after he and his guest are seated, hand the menu to her and ask if she has any especial preference, and then, respecting her wishes, give the order himself to the waiter.
If, however, friends happen in, and are asked informally to stay to a meal at a hotel, they may order themselves what they want from the menu, and, if necessary, the host or hostess of the occasion may pay the bill before leaving the dining-room, but the bill should not be paid until the guests have departed.
In giving one’s order for dinner at the hotel, oysters come first, then soup, fish, a roast or a bird, ices, whatever dessert may be desired, and coffee. Very often a woman is well served, when she is alone, by allowing the waiter to arrange a dinner for her.
If the only guest at the family dinner-table is a man, he should not be served until all the ladies of the family have been attended to.
If the hostess is the only woman at the table, she is served first, as a lady is of most importance from a social standpoint, and it is always proper to attend to her wants first. After her the man who is a visitor, or whose age gives him precedence, receives attention.
The guest of honor at a tea arrives a little earlier than the other guests, and remains somewhat later, but at a luncheon or dinner she should appear at the regulation time. One should remove one’s gloves at a luncheon, but the retaining of the hat is entirely a matter of personal taste.
The inconsiderate guest who arrives late for luncheon or dinner is shown immediately into the dining-room, and the hostess does not leave her guests, but simply rises and motions him to a seat when he enters the room.
Ten minutes is the time usually allowed for each course where more than a six-course dinner is served.
The correct and usual way of seating a bridal party at a wedding entertainment is for the groom to sit at one end of the table, and the bride at the other end, the best man on the bride’s right, and the maid of honor or first bridemaid on the groom’s right. The other bridemaids and ushers are placed wherever seems best. As a usual thing, the parents of the bride and groom do not sit at the same table with the immediate bridal party, but at another table, together with the near relatives on both sides, and perhaps the minister who officiated at the wedding and his wife; but if it seems desirable to have the parents at the bridal table, it is perfectly proper to seat them there.
There are certain distinctive features of a bridal table which must be in evidence. One is the wedding or bride’s cake, and this cake should be the central ornament, and should be surrounded with a wreath of roses. The place-cards should have the initials of the bride and groom woven together for decoration, and the souvenirs may be small satin boxes containing wedding cake.