WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES
The wedding anniversaries usually celebrated are the fifth, wooden; the tenth, tin; the twenty-fifth, silver; and the fiftieth, golden. Few couples live to observe the latter, and still fewer the seventy-fifth, the diamond wedding. The fifth and tenth anniversaries are occasions of fun and frolic. The invitations may be given over the telephone or in any way preferred. For a wooden wedding a novel method would be to divide the thin end of a shingle into several portions about the size of a postal card, writing or painting the invitations on these. The easiest way is to use the joint visiting-card of host and hostess, writing on it:
Will be at Home
on Thursday evening, October twelfth
adding in the corner “1910-1915.”
The guests invited are usually familiar friends. They tax their ingenuity to procure gifts of appropriate material that will amuse the company, or send articles that will be useful. Wooden spoons of all sorts and sizes, mammoth pencils, knife-trays, watchmen’s rattles, boxes large and small, towel-racks, chairs, small tables—all are appropriate gifts. It is easy to purchase at a toy store wooden animals of absurd shapes, picture puzzles, jumping-jacks, etc. Two of the guests might represent a couple from Noah’s ark, Mr. and Mrs. Shem or Mr. and Mrs. Ham. They should be dressed in the traditional costume, and should move in a stiff and wooden way. Another pair could appear as jointed dolls or other figures. The decorations could consist of shavings or of pussy-willow or other boughs.
For the tenth anniversary the tinware shop furnishes ample material for gifts. It is usually possible to get a tinsmith to make, for a small charge, articles of some special shape. The bride may be adorned with a tin tiara and other ornaments, the groom wearing a large tin flower in his buttonhole. A suit of armor of the same material, accompanied by spear and shield, might be presented to him with due ceremony. One guest should be the spokesman for the company and explain that, owing to the dangers of the public roads, it was thought well to bestow upon their friend some means of defense against the ubiquitous automobile, the spear being intended to lift arrogant chauffeurs from the perch of vantage.
To a silver-wedding celebration a few intimate friends of the family may be asked, or the affair may take the form of a reception. The invitations may be engraved in silver letters and may read:
1889 1914
Mr. and Mrs. John Thompson
request the pleasure of
. . . . . . . . company
on Thursday, November the eighth,
at half-past eight o’clock
Or the “At Home” form may be used. It is best not to say “silver-wedding,” as this might be thought an intimation that gifts would be acceptable. Indeed, some people are so anxious to avoid any appearance of soliciting presents that they give no intimation on the card of the nature of the occasion. Others add, “It is kindly requested that no gifts be sent.” Near relations and intimate friends usually feel privileged to send some suitable remembrance of the day, an article of silver for the writing-table or toilette-table perhaps, or any piece of silverware that they think will be acceptable. It is always proper to send flowers. If the reception is in the evening, the silver-wedding bride wears evening dress of any color that is becoming to her. Gray, lavender, or purple is appropriate. While white alone is not permissible, black-and-white may be worn; the bridal veil—if it be of lace—may be draped over the skirt or worn as a scarf. The gown may be partially cut down at the neck or full décolleté, the material being silk, brocade, velvet, or other stuff as preferred. The groom wears regulation evening dress with white or light kid gloves (see [Chapter VI]).
He and the bride stand together to receive the guests until all have arrived, when they move about the room talking with their friends. The tone of the occasion must not be too stiff and formal, but cordial yet dignified. According to some authorities, the decorations should be white, green, and silver. There may be few flowers or an abundance of them. If they are all white the result will be rather trying to matronly faces, and the effect a little incongruous. In celebrating an anniversary it is not wise to try to reproduce exactly the original occasion. This would tend to mark in a painful way the passage of time. Just as the bride of twenty-five years wears a matronly costume rather than a girlish dress that would bring into evidence the wrinkles and crow’s-feet, so the decorations and ceremonies of the silver-wedding must reflect the flight of the quarter of a century. The flowers of midsummer are more appropriate than those associated especially with early spring. Purple and white lilacs produce an excellent effect, as do roses not too pale in color, or orchids. Something will, of course, depend upon the season of the year.
It adds interest to the occasion if the clergyman who performed the marriage ceremony, the ushers, and bridesmaids can be present. The latter may stand near the host and hostess and assist them in receiving the company. The name “silver wedding” is something of a misnomer, because the celebration is concerned only with the events following the marriage. Thus, while the anniversary may reproduce in some degree the original reception or breakfast, to attempt to repeat any part of the ceremony would be in the worst possible taste, to say the least.
The collation is like that of any evening reception. There is usually a handsome wedding-cake, on which the date of the wedding and of the twenty-fifth anniversary, together with the initials of husband and wife, are inscribed. Silver leaves may form a part of its decoration. The bride cuts the first slice, as she did twenty-five years before. It adds to the fun of the occasion if the cake contains a ring. Where wine is served, it is usually champagne. The best man or some near friend or relative may give as a toast the health of the hero and heroine of the day, to which the husband should reply in a brief speech. There may be other toasts and speeches. According to modern fashion, these may be made without the accompaniment of wine. The sons and daughters of the house should act as assistant hosts and hostesses, moving about among the guests and extending a cordial welcome to all.
The arrangements for a golden-wedding fall naturally into the hands of a daughter or a son. Those of the younger generation must be careful not to behave as if they thought their parents too old and too infirm to attend to the matter personally. It requires great tact to assist those who are declining into the vale of years in such a way as not to depress or sadden them or hurt their feelings. The daughter should take pains to show that she is not trying to supersede her parents, but simply to act as their lieutenant. She may well think out beforehand her general line of action, and then lay it before her mother, consulting the latter as the household general-in-chief. She may casually remind her mother that, since the bride is spared all possible care and anxiety by her family, the same attitude toward her should be taken at the celebration of the fiftieth anniversary of the marriage.
There is often a reunion of the married couple and their descendants at a large family dinner. If it is desired to include the whole circle of friends in the celebration, this usually takes place in the daytime, since an evening affair might be too fatiguing for the elderly pair. Sometimes, however, a reception is held in the evening after the family dinner. A good deal must depend on the state of health of the bride and groom. Sons and daughters should remember that to greet and shake hands with many people is in itself fatiguing, especially to those who are no longer young. An afternoon reception is an appropriate way to celebrate the fiftieth anniversary of a marriage. The invitations will be much like those of the silver-wedding, except that the lettering should be of gold, or black if preferred. They are usually engraved on a rather large white card. If an answer is desired, in one corner may be the statement, “Please send reply to Mrs. ——,” with the address of the daughter.
It is very easy to find suitable decorations, since almost any golden flower that is in season may be pressed into service. In the fall of the year nothing is more beautiful than goldenrod; autumn leaves also may be used. Black-eyed Susans have a very decorative effect, the yellow abutilon reminds the beholder of wedding-bells, and Marshal Niel roses are always lovely. Gifts of flowers may be tied with golden ribbon.
At a fiftieth marriage anniversary which the writer recently attended, a small reception-room leading from the drawing-room was almost filled with presents of golden hue, although many were not made wholly of the precious metal itself. Pictures in gilded frames, canary birds in cages of the prevailing color of the day, were cheerful gifts of moderate expense. A beautiful loving-cup of silver heavily gilded held the center of the table, and within was a purse of gold pieces—a number of friends combining to make this present. There were many other pieces of silver-gilt, and some of solid gold. The bride received a beautiful watch and chain, among other things; the groom a pencil and card-case of the precious metal.
Husband and wife receive together at a golden-wedding. Sons and daughters welcome the guests, but do not necessarily stand beside their parents. They should have a watchful eye upon the latter, however, to see that they do not become fatigued. One advantage of the afternoon reception for a golden-wedding is the well-known tendency of the guests to concentrate in the dining-room, thus giving the host and hostess an opportunity to sit down and rest if they are tired. They remain in the drawing-room, any refreshments they may desire being brought to them. These will be the same as at any afternoon tea or reception. Some solid dishes such as salads and oysters may be served, and there may be a wedding-cake.
The golden-wedding bride may wear any color she pleases except black. The ugly fashion of dressing elderly women in hard black is fortunately on the wane, since it is extremely unbecoming to them. Delicate tints of lavender and gray, trimmed with soft ruffles or lace, are appropriate for the bride of fifty years. The groom wears formal afternoon dress, black frock or cutaway coat, with high waistcoat to match, dark trousers, and lavender scarf. If the bride carries a bouquet, it should, in our opinion, be of violets, orchids, or golden flowers rather than white ones, although some authorities favor the latter.
The fifteenth, crystal, and the twentieth, china, weddings are occasionally observed. Friends may celebrate them informally by a surprise party, at which gifts of porcelain or glassware are presented to a couple whose china closets need replenishing.
VI
HOUSE AND CHURCH WEDDINGS
Dress for Bride, Bridegroom, Bridesmaids, Ushers, and Other Members of the Bridal Party—Dress of Guests—Gifts and How to Present Them—Etiquette of House and Church Weddings—Wedding Breakfasts and Receptions—Entertaining Out-of-town Guests.
A GOWN of white satin, with veil of tulle, plain or lace-trimmed, or of real lace, has long been the conventional bridal dress. While the bodice may, in accordance with the present style, be somewhat cut out at the neck and the sleeves reach only to the elbow, it must never be full décolleté unless the wedding takes place in the evening. The skirt should have a train varying in length with the fashion, but never so long as to interfere with the bride’s movements. Several yards of satin trailing upon the floor will result in pulling her head back at every step, producing a very awkward and ugly effect. A creamy tint is more becoming to most young women than a bluish shade of white. Some brides prefer silk, fine organdie muslin, chiffon, or other soft material. Artificial orange flowers are usually worn in the hair and sometimes on the dress, the natural blossoms being very difficult to procure. It is wise to engage a hair-dresser to put on the wedding-veil, since this is a task requiring special skill. If it is to be worn over the face, a separate piece of tulle should be used for the purpose. The maid of honor, or first bridesmaid, takes this off when the bride turns to walk down the aisle at the conclusion of the ceremony. White stockings with white satin or kid slippers, long white gloves, and bouquet complete the costume. The “shower” effect, obtained by fastening flowers at intervals on long streamers of narrow ribbon, has, in the opinion of the writer, an extremely artificial look; but many people admire it. The bridegroom usually gives the bride some piece of jewelry to be worn on the eventful day. Her ornaments should be of diamonds, pearls, or other white or colorless stones.
The bridegroom appears in formal morning or, as it is sometimes called, formal afternoon dress, if the ceremony takes place in the daytime. Fashion long demanded that he should wear a frock-coat, but this imposing garment has suffered something of an eclipse, the cutaway often replacing it. The tailors, in solemn convocation, recently decided that the frock-coat could not altogether be banished, since it is popular with the great statesmen of our nation. Whichever style of coat the groom selects, he wears with it a high-cut waistcoat to match or a white one, dark striped trousers, lavender, gray, or white silk four-in-hand tie, patent-leather shoes, and high silk hat. A fancy waistcoat of another color is sometimes worn, but it must not be gay or loud. If gloves are worn, they should be light-gray or white. His white boutonnière bouquet is the gift of the bride, who bestows similar decorations on the ushers. These gentlemen are all dressed alike, their costume and that of the best man corresponding to the bridegroom’s. The bride’s father will probably prefer a frock-coat with waistcoat to match. As a rule all the men present at a wedding in the morning or afternoon don formal morning dress. In the summer sack-coats and straw hats are occasionally worn at a country wedding.
If the ceremony takes place in the evening, the groom and ushers appear in black swallow-tail coats, with trousers to match, low-cut white waistcoats, narrow white lawn ties, and pumps or patent-leather shoes. The dress of the other men present is the same, though some may prefer to wear a black dress-waistcoat to match the suit.
The bridesmaids’ costume is usually of some pretty, light color and soft material. This should, like the bride’s, be only slightly cut down in the neck, in the daytime. The inevitable hat is an important feature, and often a charming “creation.” Long white gloves and a bouquet complete the costume. The latter is the gift of the bridegroom, and usually matches or tones in with the dress or its trimmings. The bride’s mother wears lilac, gray, black-and-white, mauve, or some quiet color that is becoming to her, with bonnet or hat to match. She must carefully avoid any affectation of youth in her costume, since this would be in poor taste and would inevitably cause unfavorable comment. Hence the material of her gown is of heavier fabric than that chosen by the younger members of the bridal party. Silk, satin, velvet, brocade are all appropriate. The bodice should be practically high in the neck or only slightly cut out, although it may have a lace yoke and trimmings. The bride’s mother usually removes her wrap before going up the aisle, an usher carrying it for her. The groom’s mother wears a similar costume, the young girls of both families appearing in pretty high-necked frocks of light color, with dressy hats. No member of the bridal party should appear in mourning garb. The widowed mother, even, lays it aside for the day.
At a church wedding all the women appear in hats or bonnets, according to the modern custom. The guests wear handsome reception dress, especially if they are going on to the house of the bride’s parents. Those who are asked only to the ceremony wear their best street costume with white gloves. Where the ceremony is performed at the house in the evening, all wear evening dress and go without hats. For a home wedding in the daytime the guests retain these, but the bride’s mother and other members of the receiving-party appear without them.
A bride may prefer to be married quietly in traveling-dress. If this is the costume in which she intends actually to travel, it should be of material and color suitable for that purpose. A pretty and becoming shade should be selected, but not an extremely delicate one. Cloth or other woolen material is suitable for the cold months, a silken or woolen stuff of light weight for summer. A pretty hat and white gloves complete the costume, or, if preferred, these may correspond in color with the dress. A bride may, if she pleases, be married in a walking-suit of a very light color, changing this for a quieter dress before she starts on the wedding journey. In spite of the wide advertisement of our friend Miss Phœbe Snow, it is not in good taste to wear white in a railway car, except in the height of summer, when wash-dresses may be considered permissible on account of the heat. A bride who wears white on her wedding journey stamps herself as provincial. A young woman who is married in traveling-dress does not have bridesmaids. If she wishes to have a friend stand up with her, the latter also should be in street dress, with hat or bonnet.