SIMPLE SIMON
1 The Pieman makes the pies. Ingredients carefully concealed. The Pieman’s crest: Bacillus Botulorum rampantibus.
2 S. Simon starts off for his unwilling walk, and meets Pieman. His mouth waters. He is penniless. His eyes water. He is hankeyless. His nose waters.
3 He accosts the Pieman, who respectfully asks to be allowed a private view of the colour of his money. No money forthcomes.
4 A passing policeman arrests S. Simon for attempting to obtain goods under false pretences.
5 The case is heard. Pies produced. Pies heard. Magistrate orders Court to be cleared and sterilized.
6 Adjourned sitting. Simple Simon is proved to be an undischarged bankrupt. Discharged accordingly. Pieman bound over to keep the pies. He pleads for mercy.
7 The Pieman’s nightmare. Procession of dogs, cats, horses, and rats, headed by the Pied Piper. The Pieman’s coat-of-arms: On a field sanguinary semée de Melton Mowbray proper, a microbe vert, armed cap-à-pie.