THRILLING ADVENTURES ROUND THE NORTH POLE
1 The expedition starts. Josie. Frank Ashburningham. The mascot (a giraffe). The ship sails from Stoke Newington. Portions of the crowd which sees them off.
2 Passing the Hebrides. Off Plymouth Sound. The Mountains of Maughan. Sunrise on Popocatapetl. Icebergs off Bombay. Moonlight effects on Streatham Common. Mascot dies of tonsilitis.
3 First glimpses of unknown land. Closer acquaintance proves it to be Greenland. Josie maintains it is Iceland. The thermometer falls lower than the mercury, which therefore boils under atmospheric pressure. Mascot dies of beri-beri.
4 Crossing the ice. (Note the tracks of Josie’s high heels.) A barrier. It is removed. A snow-drift. It is removed. Mascot dies of trench feet. Warm clothing a necessity. Good old Thermos.
5 More ice. The aneroid measures only 1,437 miles from the Pole. Forward! Mascot dies of misfeasance. Josie has a touch of sunstroke. They proceed under great difficulties.
6 The rigour of the North. Nearing the Pole. Cutting it short. Four miles further. Mascot dies of aniline. Waiting for day-break. The start of the last lap. Sighting the Pole.
7 Arrival at the Pole. The Scotsman comes to greet them, and asks for a pinch of snuff. Mascot dies of erudition. The return to Blighty.
THE POLYPHONIC CLOTHING
COMPANY, LTD
BARKING ROAD, FIFE
| ECONOMY | HEALTH |
| The Godiva Gown. | The Concho Corset. |
| Heard but not seen. | Be concave where now convex. |
HOSIERY
Our unmendable stockings.
Unwashable. Untearable. Unmentionable.
Sold in tins with camel-hair brush.
One application lasts for years.
GARTERS
Embroidered silk, with phonograph attachment.
BOOTS.
Try our Gondola Shoes for ease and comfort.
Room for luggage within weight allowed to second-class
passengers. Scooters extra. Hooters unnecessary.
HATS. HATS. HATS.
May be worn at angle guaranteed to go into any ordinary-sized
taxi. Opaque. Indestructible.
Grow real flowers which change with season.
Special terms for vegetables and exotics.
LINGERIE
The last word in femininity: therefore noisy.
So constructed that the rustling distinctly articulates
the name of each garment.
BE DISTINGUÉ.
Wearers of our clothing are heard every day in all the
papers. See Police Reports.
OUR GREAT NEW FEATURE
SCENES FROM MODERN LIFE
The Cabinet at work inventing a form to be filled in. The Red Tape Worm (Tœnia Rubescens) in great form. Its bite poisons with formic acid. H.M. Stationery Office printing forms. Standing Committee sitting on forms.
The Crushing Chamber for Humorists.
The Lower Classes learning to count measles. A lesson in defence against offensive tactics. The casual Ward computing death duties. The Crushing Chamber for humorists. Mother of twenty (all under five) trying to remember children’s names and ages.
The Upper Classes. How to evade the Law. What is a hundred pounds? What is six months in gaol? Quids or quod? Advantages of wealth. Circumventing the Inquisition. The Reformation. Forms for Bankrupts. The I.O. diform. The abstruser forms. Chloroform. End of the performance. Transformation scene.
The International Correspondence College for Post-Graduate Diplomas in Form-filling. The Principal. The Secretary. Forming fours. Forty-seven thousand of the students. Lectures. Exposition of Form by Maud o’ that ilk. Formula for same.