PROPOSING
A gentleman, when he is sure that his attachment to a lady has attained perfection, and is positive of being ever afterward so attached to her as to permit of no disturbance of that affection by force of circumstances, may then and only then have the right of asking for her hand in marriage. It is a much-mooted question whether a gentleman should ask the parents’ or guardian’s consent to the proposal, if the young lady or himself or both are under age. If we follow the continental rule, this is the proper action in the matter. This course is certainly more honorable. It matters not which parent is first consulted, though the father is preferred. The parent, or parents, or guardian may be consulted in person or by letter. After their consent has been gained, the proposal is made to the woman chosen. If she refuses, then nothing more on the subject need be said till subsequent proposals are attempted. A refusal need not be reported to the parents or guardians. If she accepts, he immediately informs them. If both parties are of age, or independent, it is not essential to a proposal that parents or guardians should be consulted.
HOW TO PROPOSE
Remember that you are a gentleman, and success will be yours if the lady possesses any love or affection in her heart for you. It is best not to force your suit upon a woman, for such engagements often cause either a breaking of the engagement between the parties, or unhappiness to both. It is far better to undergo the pain of a refusal for the time being, and endeavor to gain her affection afterward in view of another and more successful trial.
Never propose in any way but in person. Letters are very poor mediums of the affection; besides, a woman prefers personal tenders of affection. When you propose, never do so unless alone with the lady, either in-doors or out, but not in public, when promenading, driving, or riding, or on any occasion where she cannot give you her undivided attention.
A proposal is, next to a marriage, the most important event in a man’s life, and, if looked favorably upon by the woman, is such also in her life. Therefore take plenty of time to think over the seriousness of the step; consider how much interest the lady has previously shown in you, and the result to your feelings if refused.
If a lady appears uncertain in her answer, you can depend upon it that she is weighing in golden scales the results, the strength of her own affection; and, above all, you may justly and correctly construe that the greater cause of her hesitation is uncertainty of your regard for her, whether true of the heart, or falsely stated. For no woman cares to have a man know that she entertains affection for him unless she is confident he will appreciate it. Thus if it be not a positive refusal, but hesitation only, always be determined, and decide for her by describing the happiness that only you could furnish her. These arguments, if anything would avail, will help to strengthen and control her decision.
Always plead your cause with eyes and speech only. When accepted it is left to the option of the suitor as to what mode of procedure will best express his delight and happiness. But perhaps for those of timid and bashful nature it is advisable to suggest a standard course of action, viz.: when the lady replies affirmatively, immediately clasp her in your arms; this is not, for true lovers, a very embarrassing position. Let the embrace be gentle, simply to signify and give strength and proof of your affectionate expressions prior to the acceptance.
Always stand when proposing, as it lends dignity to the occasion and allows of more freedom in expressing the feelings; besides, it savors of very little earnestness to remain in any other attitude while making so important a confession.
Before proposing it would be best to ascertain how the lady regards you in any particular light. If she speaks favorably of any one of your fascinations, then on that foundation you may attempt to build your future happiness. Do not propose in an uncertain manner, bashfully, or yet too boldly. Be serious, desirous, and speak to the point; confess all your feelings, state everything correctly and truly, and in as telling language as you can possibly command. Do not laugh or smile, or cause it to appear an amusing matter. It would be utterly impossible to illustrate the language of proposals, for many and varied are the methods employed and the language used. But if a gentleman adheres to all I have stated on the subject, it will only be fate which will prevent the fulfilment of his anticipations. A gentleman never makes free with the lady, at the time of the acceptance, beyond the conditions stated herein. And from the moment she accepts him, through all her life he must be constant in his attention to her.
