ETIQUET
"Frances," said the little girl's mamma, who was entertaining callers in the parlor, "you came downstairs so noisily that you could be heard all over the house. Now go back and come down stairs like a lady."
Frances retired and after a few moments re-entered the parlor.
"Did you hear me come downstairs this time, mamma?"
"No dear; I am glad you came down quietly. Now, don't ever let me have to tell you again not to come down noisily. Now tell these ladies how you managed to come down like a lady the second time, when the first time you made so much noise."
"The last time I slid down the banisters," explained Frances.
Hearts, like doors, can ope with ease
To very, very little keys,
And don't forget that they are these
"I thank you, Sir"; and, "If you please."
Unseen, Unheard
TEACHER—"What does a well-bred child do when a visitor calls to see her mother?"
CHILD—"Me—I go play in the street."
HOSTESS (at party)—"Does your mother allow you to have two pieces of pie when you are at home, Willie?"
WILLIE (who has asked for a second piece)—"No, ma'am."
"Well, do you think she'd like you to have two pieces here?"
"Oh," confidentially, "she wouldn't care. This isn't her pie!"
"I can't understand this code of ethics."
"What code is that?"
"The one which makes it all right to take a man's last dollar, but a breach of etiquette to take his last cigaret."
Tom Johnson claims that the oldest joke is the one about the Irish soldier who saw a shell coming and made a low bow. The shell missed him and took off the head of the man behind him. "Sure," said Pat, "ye never knew a man to lose anything by being polite."