EUROPEAN WAR
War is evidently a losing game when it takes a country forty-two years to pay for what she destroyed in a little more than four.
A dusky doughboy, burdened under tons of medals and miles and miles of ribbons, service and wound chevrons, stars et al., encountered a 27th Division scrapper in Le Mans a few days prior to the division's departure for the States.
"Whar yo' all ben scrappin' in dis yar war, boss?" meekly inquired the colored soldier.
"Why, we've been fighting up in Belgium and Flanders with the British," replied the New Yorker, proudly.
"Well, we ben down in dem woods—watcha call 'em woods 'way down south."
"The Argonne?" suggested young Knickerbocker.
"Yas, yas, dem's de woods—d'Argonne."
"You know our division was the first to break the Hindenburg line, colored boy," explained the 27th man.
"Was it you wot did dat trick? Y' know boss, we felt dat ol' line sag 'way down in d'Argonne."
WILLIS—"Did the war do anything for you?"
GILLIS—"Sure did. It taught me to save peach-stones, tin-foil, newspapers and all kinds of junk. In fact, I can now save anything except money."
Just before the St. Mihiel show the Germans blew up an ammunition dump near a company of Yanks. It was reported that there was a large quantity of gas shells in the dump, and as soon as the explosions began the Americans immediately made themselves scarce with great rapidity.
When the danger had passed all started drifting back with the exception of one man who did not appear till the next day.
"Well, where you been?" demanded the top kick, eyeing him coldly.
"Sergeant," replied the other earnestly, "I don't know where I been, but I give you my word I been all day gettin' back."
"Who won the war?" asked the bright young goof behind the soda-counter.
"Huh," ejaculated the ex-sergeant gruffly as he dug up the war-tax, "I think we bought it."
A librarian confides to us that she was visited by a young lady who wished to see a large map of France. She was writing a paper on the battle-fields of France for a culture club, and she just couldn't find Flanders Fields and No Man's Land on any of the maps in her books.
The trouble with the peace table is that the Allies want it à la carte, and Wilson wants it American plan—table d'hôte.
See also Exaggeration; Heroes; Soldiers; War.