MOVING PICTURES
A recent movie comedy showed on the screen a bevy of shapely girls disrobing for a plunge in the "old swimming-pool." They had just taken off shoes, hats, coats and were beginning on—a passing freight-train dashed across the screen and obscured the view. When it had passed, the girls were frolicking in the water.
An old railroader sat through the show again and again. At length an usher tapped him on the shoulder.
"Aren't you ever going home?" he asked.
"Oh, I'll wait a while," was the answer. "One of these times that train's going to be late."
"Didn't anybody criticise you for filming an automobile in ancient Babylon?"
"No. But I had a dozen letters calling my attention to the fact that the car showed a California license tag."
Moving day comes on May 1st, but every day in the year is movie day.
SLAPSTICK DIRECTOR—"Can't you suggest a novel from which we could adapt a comedy?"
COMEDIAN—"My memory isn't very accurate, but isn't there a book called 'Alice Threw the Looking-glass'?"
MOVIE OPERATOR—"What shall I do with this film? There is a tear in it that cuts right through the hero's nose!"
CLEVER MANAGER—"Ha! just the thing! Bill it as a feature in two parts."
PROMOTER—"I have here a scheme for revamping old films."
MANAGER—"Beat it! I'm too busy refilming old vamps."
An old couple from the country wandered into a moving picture show in town. As they entered a cow-boy picture was being shown.
The old lady laid a restraining hand on her husband's arm.
"Bill," she said, "let's not go too far down in front; the dust those horses are kickin' up is somethin' awful. My clothes'll be ruined!"
"Here's another book on How to Get into the Movies."
"Why on earth doesn't somebody write a book on how to get a seat after you do get in?"
Mr. and Mrs. Todd were debating whether the movie they had just seen was a new or old production.
"The leading woman wore two or three gowns that are very much in vogue," Mrs. Todd reminded her husband.
He remained firm, however.
"There wasn't any excitement when the cocktails were served," he said.
"I can," said the bashful young man to the director of the film company, "swim, dive, run an auto, fly an aeroplane, fence, box, shoot, ride a horse, run a motor-boat, play golf, fight, make love, fall off cliffs, rescue heroines, play football, die naturally, and kiss a girl."
"But," interrupted the famous director, "can you act?"
"Alas!" muttered the would-be screen hero, "I never thought of that."
"Engaged," growled the director, and another screen star was born.—Life.
See also Actors and actresses; Advertising; Signs.