POLITICS
GREEN—"What is the hardest work you ever did?"
CITY EMPLOYEE—"The work I did landing this job, and the next hardest is the work of keeping it from being taken away from me."—Judge.
"I am out of politics for good," announced the Political Boss.
"Whose?" questioned the Green Reporter.
POLITICAL BOSS—"So you wish to enter politics, madam. What are your qualifications?"
LADY APPLICANT—"Well, I have served three terms as a member of the Board of Education."
YOUNG 'UN—"I'm taking political economy at college."
OLD 'UN—"That's a useless course. Why learn to economize in politics? It's not being done."
FIRST PASSENGER—"I understand that your city has the rottenest political ring in the country."
SECOND PASSENGER—"That's right. But how did you know where I'm from?"
FIRST PASSENGER—"I don't."
PROSECUTING ATTORNEY (investigating election fund)—"Dave, what happened to you before you reached the polls?"
DAVE (an old negro)—"Well suh, the fust thing, suh, a man stopped me an' said: 'Dave, heah's four dollahs; I want you to go right down to de polls an' vote for Mr. Brown; he's the Republican candidate for Congress and a very fine man.'"
PROSECUTOR—"Did you take the money?"
DAVE—"O, yassir, I took de money. And then, as I wuz goin' on down de street another man stops me and says: 'Dave, heah's seven dollahs; I want you to go right down to de polls an' vote for Mr. Rogers; he's the Democratic nominee for Congress and a very fine man.'"
PROSECUTOR—"Did you take that money, too, Dave?"
DAVE—"O, yassir, I took dat money, too, suh."
PROSECUTOR—"Then, Dave, how did you vote?"
DAVE—"Well, suh, after speculatin' quite a spell, suh, as to what a niggah ought to do in a case ob dat kind, suh, I walks right into de polls and votes de straight Republican ticket, suh, 'cause I figgered, suh, dat dis here Republican man, he war de least corrupt ob de two."
"Don't you think our friend Crossum might loom up as a dark horse?"
"No," declared Senator Sorghum, "record's too shady. It would require a great deal of whitewashing to qualify him as a dark horse."
YOUNG HOPEFUL—"Father, what is a traitor in politics?"
VETERAN POLITICIAN—"A traitor is a man who leaves our party and goes over to the other one."
YOUNG HOPEFUL—"Well, then, what is a man who leaves his party and comes over to yours?"
VETERAN POLITICIAN—"A convert, my son."
During a municipal campaign in Chicago a politician dropped in one morning to see a certain grocer. During the conversation that took place, the politician asked, "And I may count upon your support, may I not?"
"Why, no, I am sorry to say," replied the grocer. "The fact is, I have promised my support to the other candidate."
The politician laughed. "Ah," said he, "in politics, promising and performing are two different things."
"In that case," said the grocer cordially, "I shall be glad to give you my promise, sir."
STRANGER—"Upon what plan are your city institutions conducted?"
CITIZEN-"A sort of let-George-do-it system—without any George."—Puck.