PRAYERS
A very nice and gentle minister accepted a call to a new church in a town where many of the members bred horses and sometimes raced them. A few weeks later he was asked to invite the prayers of the congregation for Lucy Grey. Willingly and gladly he did so for three Sundays. On the fourth one of the deacons told the minister he need not do it any more.
"Why," asked the good man, with an anxious look, "is she dead?"
"Oh, no," said the deacon; "she's won the steeplechase."
The two men were adrift in an open boat and it looked bad for them. Finally one of them, frightened, began to pray.
"O Lord," he prayed, "I've broken most of Thy commandments. I've been a hard drinker, but if my life is spared now I'll promise Thee never again—"
"Wait a minute, Jack," said, his friend. "Don't go too far. I think I see a sail."
Lindsley had the little hen fast and was trying to bring her head close to the ground.
"What might you be trying to do?" exclaimed her father coming upon the small girl in the yard.
"I'm trying to make this hen say her prayers."
"Well," said the parent sadly, "I hope she'll say: 'Now I lay me.'"
BROWN (on fishing trip)—"Boys, the boat is sinking! Is there any one here who knows how to pray?"
JONES (eagerly)—"I do."
BROWN—"All right. You pray and the rest of us will put on life belts. They's one shy."
A small boy, whose father is now on the other side with the Y.M.C.A., was taught to say at the end of his prayer, "Please, God, make Graham a good boy." One night he did not say it, and when his mother asked him if he had not forgotten something, he said, "No; I thought I was asking too much of God. I'd better do more myself."
GRANDSON (who hasn't decided yet just what branch of the service will have the benefit of his talents)—"There seems to be quite a diversity of opinion regarding what prayer to say in response to the Senate's request for daily prayer for victory."
GRANDMA (industriously knitting)—"Guess any of 'em will do, so long as it isn't 'Now I lay me down to sleep.'"
"The proper way for a man to pray,"
Said Deacon Lemuel Keyes,
"And the only proper attitude
Is down upon his knees."
"No, I should say the way to pray,"
Said Rev. Doctor Wise,
"Is standing straight with outstretched arms
And rapt and upturned eyes."
"Oh, no, no, no," said Elder Slow,
"Such posture is too proud;
A man should pray with eyes fast closed
And head contritely bowed."
"It seems to me his hands should be
Austerely clasped in front,
With both thumbs pointing to the ground,"
Said Rev. Doctor Blunt.
"Last year I fell in Hodgkin's well
Head first," said Cyrus Brown,
"With both my heels a-stickin' up,
My head a-pinting down;
"An' I made a prayer right then an' there—
Best prayer I ever said,
The prayingest prayer I ever prayed,
A-standing on my head."
—Sam Walter Foss.
A young mother was about to hear her small girl's prayers when a neighbor called and said she must see the mother right away. They had been talking at the front door several minutes when a reproachful little voice came from the top of the stairway:
"Mamma, aren't you 'shamed to keep God waiting so long?"
It was the week before little Willie's birthday, and he was on his knees at his bedside petitioning Divine Providence for presents in a very loud voice.
"Please send me," he shouted, "a bicycle, a tool chest, a—"
"What are you praying so loud for?" his younger brother interrupted. "God ain't deaf."
"I know he ain't," said little Willie, winking toward the next room, "but grandma is."
MARJORIE—"Will I get everything I pray for, mama?"
MOTHER (cautiously)—"Everything that's good for you, dear."
MARJORIE (disgustedly)—"Oh, what's the use, then; I get that anyway."—Life.
One day little Flora was taken to have an aching tooth removed. That night, while she was saying her prayers, her mother was surprised to hear her say: "And forgive us our debts as we forgive our dentists."—Everybody's.
SMALL YOUTH—"I ain't goin' to say my prayers tonight, mother. I'm goin' to take a chance."—Life.
Bobby had been taught to remember all his relatives when he said his prayers. One night, as he knelt at his mother's knee, he did not mention the name of a favorite aunt.
"Why, Bobby," said the mother, "you didn't say 'God bless Aunt Beatrice and make her happy.'"
"Well, mother," replied the little boy, "I don't have to say that any more. Aunt Beatrice's engaged."
Two prominent senators, boyhood friends, were discussing how strict had been their early religious training and how they had departed from it in late years. Said A to B: "I don't believe you even remember the Lord's Prayer, do you?" B answered: "Oh, yes, I do; I'm not such a backslider as that." Then A said: "I'll bet a dollar you cannot say the Lord's Prayer straight through." B promptly declared that he would win that dollar and, after a moment's thoughtful hesitation, repeated slowly:
Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
If I should die before I wake,
I pray the Lord my soul to take.
"By Jove," said A, "here is your dollar; I didn't believe you could do it."
"We'd have more prayers answered," said Bishop Hoss, of Muskogee, "if we had more faith."
"Too many of us are like Willie. Willie, on a visit to his uncle's in the country, admired a fine colt.
"'Uncle, give me that colt, will you?' he asked.
"'Why, no, Willie,' said his uncle. 'That's a very valuable colt, and I couldn't afford to give him to you. Do you want a colt so very badly?'
"'I'd rather have a colt than anything else in the world,' said Willie.
"'Then,' said his uncle. 'I'll tell you what you ought to do. Since you want a colt that much, you ought to pray for one. Whenever I want a thing I always pray for it, and then it is sure to come to me.'
"'Is that so, uncle?' said Willie, eagerly. 'Won't you please give me this colt, then, and pray for one for yourself?'"
An old darkey who was asked if, in his experience, prayer was ever answered, replied:
"Well, sah! some pra'rs is ansud, an' some isn't—'pends on wa't you axes fo'. Jest arter de wah, w'en it was mighty hard scratchin' fo' de cullud breddern, I 'bsarved dat w'eneber I pway de Lord to sen' one o' Marse Peyton's fat turkeys fo' de old man, dere was no notis took ob de partition; but w'en I pway dat He would sen' de ole man fo' de turkey, de matter was t'ended to befo' sun-up nex' morning', dead sartin."