Actus. iii. Scæna. iii.
Mathew Merygreeke. Roister Doister.
M. Mery. Nowe that the whole answere in my devise doth rest,
I shall paint out our wower in colours of the best.
And all that I say shall be on Custances mouth,
She is author of all that I shall speake forsoth.
But yond commeth Roister Doister nowe in a traunce. 5
R. Royster. Juno sende me this day good lucke and good chaunce.
I can not but come see how Merygreeke doth speede.
M. Mery [aside]. I will not see him, but give him a jutte in deede.[480]
I crie your mastershyp mercie[!] [running hard into him]
R. Royster. And whither now?
M. Mery. As fast as I could runne sir in post against you. 10
But why speake ye so faintly, or why are ye so sad?
R. Royster. Thou knowest the proverbe, bycause I can not be had.
Hast thou spoken with this woman?
M. Mery. Yea that I have.
R. Royster. And what will this geare be?
M. Mery. No so God me save.
R. Royster. Hast thou a flat answer? 15
M. Mery. Nay a sharp answer.
R. Royster. What
M. Mery. Ye shall not (she sayth) by hir will marry hir cat.
Ye are such a calfe, such an asse, such a blocke,
Such a lilburne,[481] such a hoball,[482] such a lobcocke,[483]
And bicause ye shoulde come to hir at no season,
She despised your maship out of all reason. 20
Bawawe[484] what ye say (ko I) of such a jentman,
Nay I feare him not (ko she) doe the best he can.
He vaunteth him selfe for a man of prowesse greate,
Where as a good gander I dare say may him beate.
And where he is louted[485] and laughed to skorne, 25
For the veriest dolte that ever was borne,
And veriest lubber, sloven and beast,
Living in this worlde from the west to the east: D iv b
Yet of himselfe hath he suche opinion,
That in all the worlde is not the like minion.[486] 30
He thinketh eche woman to be brought in dotage
With the onely sight of his goodly personage:
Yet none that will have hym: we do hym loute and flocke,[487]
And make him among us, our common sporting stocke,
And so would I now (ko she) save onely bicause, 35
Better nay (ko I) I lust not medle with dawes.
Ye are happy (ko I) that ye are a woman,
This would cost you your life in case ye were a man.
R. Royster. Yea an hundred thousand pound should not save hir life.
M. Mery. No but that ye wowe hir to have hir to your wife, 40
But I coulde not stoppe hir mouth.
R. Royster. Heigh how alas,
M. Mery. Be of good cheere man, and let the worlde passe.[488]
R. Royster. What shall I doe or say nowe that it will not bee.
M. Mery. Ye shall have choice of a thousande as good as shee,
And ye must pardon hir, it is for lacke of witte. 45
R. Royster. Yea, for were not I an husbande for hir fitte?
Well what should I now doe?
M. Mery. In faith I can not tell.
R. Royster. I will go home and die.
M. Mery. Then shall I bidde toll the bell?
R. Royster. No.
M. Mery. God have mercie on your soule, ah good gentleman,
That er ye shuld ths dye for an unkinde woman, 50
Will ye drinke once ere ye goe.
R. Royster. No, no, I will none.
M. Mery. How feele[489] your soule to God.
R. Royster. I am nigh gone.
M. Mery. And shall we hence streight?
R. Royster. Yea.
M. Mery. Placebo dilexi.
Maister [R]oister Doister will streight go home and die. ut infra.[490] 54
R. Royster. Heigh how, alas, the pangs of death my hearte do breake.
M. Mery. Holde your peace for shame sir, a dead man may not speake.
Nequando: What mourners and what torches shall we have?
R. Royster. None.
M. Mery. Dirige. He will go darklyng to his grave,
Neque, lux, neque crux, neque mourners, neque clinke,
He will steale to heaven, unknowing to God I thinke. 60
A porta inferi, who shall your goodes possesse?
R. Royster. Thou shall be my sectour,[491] and have all more and lesse. E i
M. Mery. Requiem æternam. Now God reward your mastershyp.
And I will crie halfepenie doale for your worshyp.
Come forth sirs, heare the dolefull newes I shall you tell. Evocat servos militis. 65
Our good maister here will no longer with us dwell,
But in spite of Custance, which hath hym weried,
Let us see his mashyp solemnely buried.
And while some piece of his soule is yet hym within,
Some part of his funeralls let us here begin. 70
Audiui vocem, All men take heede by this one gentleman,
Howe you sette your love upon an unkinde woman.
For these women be all such madde pievishe elves,
They will not be wonne except it please them selves.
But in fayth Custance if ever ye come in hell, 75
Maister Roister Doister shall serve you as well.
And will ye needes go from us thus in very deede?
R. Royster. Yea in good sadnesse[!]
M. Mery. Now Jesus Christ be your speede.
Good night Roger olde knave, farewell Roger olde knave,
Good night Roger[492] olde knave, knave knap. ut infra.[493]
Pray for the late maister Roister Doisters soule, 81
And come forth parish Clarke, let the passing bell toll.
Pray for your mayster sirs, and for hym ring a peale. Ad servos militis.
He was your right good maister while he was in heale.
Qui Lazarum. 85
R. Royster. Heigh how.
M. Mery. Dead men go not so fast
In Paradisum. 87
R. Royster. Heihow.
M. Mery. Soft, heare what I have cast.[494]
R. Royster. I will heare nothing, I am past.
M. Mery. Whough, wellaway.
Ye may tarie one houre, and heare what I shall say, 90
Ye were best sir for a while to revive againe,
And quite them er ye go.
R. Royster. Trowest thou so?
M. Mery. Ye plain.
R. Royster. How may I revive being nowe so farre past?
M. Mery. I will rubbe your temples, and fette you againe at last.
R. Royster. It will not be possible. 95
M. Mery [rubbing R.'s temples roughly]. Yes for twentie pounde.
R. Royster. Armes[!][495] what dost thou?
M. Mery. Fet you again out of your sound[496]
By this crosse ye were nigh gone in deede, I might feele
Your soule departing within an inche of your heele. E i b
Now folow my counsell.
R. Royster. What is it?
M. Mery. If I wer you,
Custance should eft seeke to me, ere I woulde bowe. 100
R. Royster. Well, as thou wilt have me, even so will I doe.
M. Mery. Then shall ye revive againe for an houre or two.
R. Royster. As thou wilt I am content for a little space.
M. Mery. Good happe is not hastie:[497] yet in space com[e]th grace,[498]
To speake with Custance your selfe shoulde be very well, 105
What good therof may come, nor I, nor you can tell.
But now the matter standeth upon your mariage,
Ye must now take unto you a lustie courage.[499]
Ye may not speake with a faint heart to Custance,
But with a lusty breast[500] and countenance, 110
That she may knowe she hath to answere to a man.
R. Royster. Yes I can do that as well as any can.
M. Mery. Then bicause ye must Custance face to face wowe,
Let us see how to behave your selfe ye can doe.
Ye must have a portely bragge after your estate. 115
R. Roister. Tushe, I can handle that after the best rate.
M. Mery. Well done, so loe, up man with your head and chin,
Up with that snoute man: so loe, nowe ye begin,
So, that is somewhat like, but[,] prankie[501] cote, nay[,] whan[!]
That is a lustie brute,[502] handes under your side man: 120
So loe, now is it even as it shoulde[503] bee,
That is somewhat like, for a man of your degree.
Then must ye stately goe, jetting[504] up and downe,
Tut, can ye no better shake the taile of your gowne?
There loe, such a lustie bragge it is ye must make. 125
R. Royster. To come behind, and make curtsie, thou must som pains take.
M. Mery. Else were I much to blame, I thanke your mastershyp[,][505]
The lorde one day[—]all to begrime you with worshyp, [M. pushes violently against R.]
Backe sir sauce,[506] let gentlefolkes have elbowe roome,
Voyde sirs, see ye not maister Roister Doister come? 130
Make place my maisters. [Knocks against R.]
R. Royster. Thou justlest nowe to nigh.
M. Mery. Back al rude loutes. E ii
M. Mery. I crie your maship mercy
Hoighdagh, if faire fine mistresse Custance sawe you now,
Ralph Royster Doister were hir owne I warrant you.
R. Royster. Neare[507] an M by your girdle?[508] 135
M. Mery. Your good mastershyps
Maistershyp, were hir owne Mistreshyps mistreshyps,
Ye were take[509] up for haukes, ye were gone, ye were gone,
But now one other thing more yet I thinke upon.
R. Royster. Shewe what it is.
M. Mery. A wower be he never so poore
Must play and sing before his bestbeloves doore, 140
How much more than you?
R. Royster. Thou speakest wel out of dout.
M. Mery. And perchaunce that woulde make hir the sooner come out.
R. Royster. Goe call my Musitians, bydde them high apace.
M. Mery. I wyll be here with them ere ye can say trey ace.[510]
Exeat.
R. Royster. This was well sayde of Merrygreeke, I lowe hys wit, 145
Before my sweete hearts dore we will have a fit[,]
That if my love come forth, that I may with hir talke,
I doubt not but this geare shall on my side walke.
But lo, how well Merygreeke is returned sence.
M. Mery [returning with the musicians]. There hath grown no grasse on my heele since I went hence, 150
Lo here have I brought that shall make you pastance.
R. Royster. Come sirs let us sing to winne my deare love Custance.
Cantent.[511]
M. Mery. Lo where she commeth, some countenaunce to hir make.
And ye shall heare me be plaine with hir for your sake. 154
Actus. iii. Scæna. iiii.
Custance. Merygreeke. Roister Doister.
C. Custance. What gaudyng[512] and foolyng is this afore my doore?
M. Mery. May not folks be honest, pray you, though they be pore?
C. Custance. As that thing may be true, so rich folks may be fooles,
R. Royster. Hir talke is as fine as she had learned in schooles.
M. Mery. Looke partly towarde hir, and drawe a little nere. E ii b
C. Custance. Get ye home idle folkes. 6
M. Mery. Why may not we be here?
Nay and ye will haze,[513] haze: otherwise I tell you plaine,
And ye will not haze, then give us our geare againe.
C. Custance. In deede I have of yours much gay things God save all.
R. Royster. Speake gently unto hir, and let hir take all. 10
M. Mery. Ye are to tender hearted: shall she make us dawes?
Nay dame, I will be plaine with you in my friends cause.
R. Royster. Let all this passe sweete heart and accept my service.[514]
C. Custance. I will not be served with a foole in no wise,
When I choose an husbande I hope to take a man. 15
M. Mery. And where will ye finde one which can doe that he can?
Now thys man towarde you being so kinde,
You not to make him an answere somewhat to his minde.
C. Custance. I sent him a full answere by you dyd I not?
M. Mery. And I reported it. 20
C. Custance. Nay I must speake it againe.
R. Royster. No no, he tolde it all.
M. Mery. Was I not metely plaine?
R. Royster. Yes.
M. Mery. But I would not tell all, for faith if I had
With you dame Custance ere this houre it had been bad,
And not without cause: for this goodly personage,
Ment no lesse than to joyne with you in mariage. 25
C. Custance. Let him wast no more labour nor sute about me.
M. Mery. Ye know not where your preferment lieth I see,
He sending you such a token, ring and letter.
C. Custance. Mary here it is, ye never sawe a better.
M. Mery. Let us see your letter. 30
C. Custance. Holde, reade it if ye can.
And see what letter it is to winne a woman.
M. Mery [takes the letter and reads]. To mine owne deare coney birde, swete heart, and pigsny
Good Mistresse Custance present these by and by,
Of this superscription do ye blame the stile?
C. Custance. With the rest as good stuffe as ye redde a great while. 35
M. Mery. Sweete mistresse where as I love you nothing at all,[515]
Regarding your substance and richesse chiefe of all,
For your personage, beautie, demeanour and wit,
I commende me unto you never a whit. E iii
Sorie to heare report of your good welfare. 40
For (as I heare say) suche your conditions are,
That ye be worthie favour of no living man,
To be abhorred of every honest man.
To be taken for a woman enclined to vice.
Nothing at all to Vertue gyving hir due price. 45
Wherfore concerning mariage, ye are thought
Suche a fine Paragon, as nere honest man bought.
And nowe by these presentes I do you advertise
That I am minded to marrie you in no wise.
For your goodes and substance, I coulde bee content 50
To take you as ye are. If ye mynde to bee my wyfe,
Ye shall be assured for the tyme of my lyfe,
I will keepe ye ryght well, from good rayment and fare,
Ye shall not be kepte but in sorowe and care.
Ye shall in no wyse lyve at your owne libertie, 55
Doe and say what ye lust, ye shall never please me,
But when ye are mery, I will be all sadde,
When ye are sory, I will be very gladde.
When ye seeke your heartes ease, I will be unkinde,
At no tyme, in me shall ye muche gentlenesse finde. 60
But all things contrary to your will and minde,
Shall be done: otherwise I wyll not be behinde
To speake. And as for all them that woulde do you wrong
I will so helpe and mainteyne, ye[516] shall not lyve long.
Nor any foolishe dolte, shall cumbre you but I.[517] 65
I, who ere say nay, wyll sticke by you tyll I die,
Thus good mistresse Custance, the lorde you save and kepe,
From me Roister Doister, whether I wake or slepe.
Who favoureth you no lesse, (ye may be bolde)
Than this letter purporteth, which ye have unfolde. 70
C. Custance. Howe by this letter of love? is it not fine?
R. Royster. By the armes of Caleys[518] it is none of myne.
M. Mery. Fie you are fowle to blame this is your owne hand. E iii b
C. Custance. Might not a woman be proude of such an husbande?
M. Mery. Ah that ye would in a letter shew such despite. 75
R. Royster. Oh I would I had hym here, the which did it endite.
M. Mery. Why ye made it your selfe ye tolde me by this light.
R. Royster. Yea I ment I wrote it myne owne selfe yesternight.
C. Custance. Ywis sir, I would not have sent you such a mocke.
R. Royster. Ye may so take it, but I ment it not so by cocke. 80
M. Mery. Who can blame this woman to fume and frette and rage?
Tut, tut, your selfe nowe have marde your owne marriage.
Well, yet mistresse Custance, if ye can this remitte,
This gentleman other wise may your love requitte. 84
C. Custance. No God be with you both, and seeke[519] no more to me.
Exeat.
R. Royster. Wough, she is gone for ever, I shall hir no more see.
M. Mery. What weepe? fye for shame, and blubber? for manhods sake,
Never lette your foe so muche pleasure of you take.
Rather play the mans parte, and doe love refraine.
If she despise you een despise ye hir againe. 90
R. Royster. By gosse[520] and for thy sake I defye hir in deede.
M. Mery. Yea and perchaunce that way ye shall much sooner speede,
For one madde propretie these women have in fey,
When ye will, they will not: Will not ye, then will they.
Ah foolishe woman, ah moste unluckie Custance, 95
Ah unfortunate woman, ah pievishe Custance,
Art thou to thine harmes so obstinately bent,
That thou canst not see where lieth thine high preferment?
Canst thou not lub[521] dis man, which coulde lub dee so well?
Art thou so much thine own foe[?] 100
R. Royster. Thou dost the truth tell.
M. Mery. Wel I lament.
R. Royster. So do I.
M. Mery. Wherfor?
R. Royster. For this thing
Bicause she is gone.
M. Mery. I mourne for an other thing.
R. Royster. What is it Merygreeke, wherfore thou dost griefe take?
M. Mery. That I am not a woman myselfe for your sake,
I would have you my selfe, and a strawe for yond Gill, 105
And mocke[522] much of you though it were against my will.
I would not I warrant you, fall in such a rage, E iv
As so to refuse suche a goodly personage.
R. Royster. In faith I heartily thanke thee Merygreeke.
M. Mery. And I were a woman. 110
R. Royster. Thou wouldest to me seeke.
M. Mery. For though I say it, a goodly person ye bee.
R. Royster. No, no.
M. Mery. Yes a goodly man as ere I dyd see.
R. Royster. No, I am a poore homely man as God made mee.
M. Mery. By the faith that I owe to God sir, but ye bee.
Woulde I might for your sake, spend a thousande pound land. 115
R. Royster. I dare say thou wouldest have me to thy husbande.
M. Mery. Yea: And I were the fairest lady in the shiere,
And knewe you as I know you, and see you nowe here.
Well I say no more.
R. Royster. Grammercies with all my hart.
M. Mery. But since that can not be, will ye play a wise parte? 120
R. Royster. How should I?
M. Mery. Refraine[523] from Custance a while now.
And I warrant hir soone right glad to seeke to you,
Ye shall see hir anon come on hir knees creeping.
And pray you to be good to hir salte teares weeping.
R. Royster. But what and she come not? 125
M. Mery. In faith then farewel she.
Or else if ye be wroth, ye may avenged be.
R. Royster. By cocks precious potsticke, and een so I shall.
I wyll utterly destroy hir, and house and all,
But I woulde be avenged in the meane space,
On that vile scribler, that did my wowyng disgrace. 130
M. Mery. Scribler (ko you) in deede he is worthy no lesse.
I will call hym to you, and ye bidde me doubtlesse.
R. Royster. Yes, for although he had as many lives,
As a thousande widowes, and a thousande wives,
As a thousande lyons, and a thousand rattes, 135
A thousande wolves, and a thousande cattes,
A thousande bulles, and a thousande calves,
And a thousande legions divided in halves,
He shall never scape death on my swordes point,
Though I shoulde be torne therfore joynt by joynt. 140
M. Mery. Nay, if ye will kyll him, I will not fette him, E iv b
I will not in so muche extremitie sette him,
He may yet amende sir, and be an honest man,
Therefore pardon him good soule, as muche as ye can.
R. Royster. Well, for thy sake, this once with his lyfe he shall passe, 145
But I wyll hewe hym all to pieces by the Masse.
M. Mery. Nay fayth ye shall promise that he shall no harme have,
Else I will not set him.
R. Royster. I shall so God me save.
But I may chide him a good.[524]
M. Mery. Yea that do hardely.
R. Royster. Go then. 150
M. Mery. I returne, and bring him to you by and by.
Ex.