A LITTLE FLIRTATION.
Scene—The "Gothenburg Arms," under new (Municipal) Management, licensed for the sale of liquors for the public profit only. Mr. G., an elderly but cheerful and chatty customer, and Miss Josephine, a smart barmaid, discovered conversing across the counter.
Miss Joe (aside). Why, here is that chirpy old josser again! I wonder, now, what is his little game here?
Mr. G. (aside). Aha! there she is, looking smart as fresh paint! (Aloud.) Good morning, Miss Josey! How are you, my dear?
Miss Joe. Ah, tha-anks. I'm all right.
Mr. G.Which you look it indeed! Just a glass of the usual, my dear, if you please.
Miss Joe (drawing it). Oh, I thought you'd turned total abstainer or something.
Mr. G. Dear no! That's your chaff; you were always a tease.
Miss Joe (bristling). A tease, Mr. G.? Why, I wouldn't demean myself. What can it matter to me what you take?
Mr. G. Come now, Miss Joe, don't be raspy this morning.
Miss Joe. Me raspy, indeed! Well, you do take the cake! You've been awfully down on the Bungs for a long time, have you and your friends, that Miss Harcourt and such.
Mr. G. Don't call her my friend, if you please, dear Miss Josey.
Miss Joe. Oh, come!—I say!—this is a trifle too much! Were not you and that Lawson, and others, fair pals; Local Optioners down to the ground, and all that?
Mr. G. (airily). Oh, now I am "freer" and much less "responsible." Makes such a difference!
Miss Joe. What are you at?
Mr. G. Why, my dear girl, this new Gothenburg system always has struck me as quite the sole chance Of escape from predicament truly contemptible—only fair promise of real advance. So glad to see you so active in aid of it!
Miss Joe (coquettishly). Oh, Mr. G.! if Miss H. could but hear——!
Mr. G. (pettishly). Bother Miss H.! Local Option's her fad, and I'm friendly, of course, to it, only, my dear, The mere limitation of numbers—her idol and Parliament's also for twenty years past— Is all tommy-rot as a remedy!
Miss Joe. Really, my dear Mr. G., you are getting on fast. Don't mean to say you mean "chucking" Miss H. and the rest of the Vetoers, Wilfrid and all? What will he say? He'll be giving you beans; and that blessed Alliance will raise a big squall.
Mr. G. "Charge, Chester, charge!" is my Marmion-motto. Lawson and Dawson may kick up a row, But I back you and the Gothenburg system, Miss Joe, and of course I can own to it—now!
Miss Joe. Well, I feel flattered! But oh, poor Miss H.
Mr. G. Entre nous, my dear Joe, Local Option, per se, Is just an Imposture!!!
Miss H. (who has entered unperceived). Oh, is it? My favourite measure, too! Oh, Mister G.! Mister G.! Call you this backing your friends? And to her too, that minx who was false to you when I was true! Really it's not safe to leave you a moment! You naughty old mischief you—come along, do!
A LITTLE FLIRTATION.
Mr. G. "Yes, Miss, I entirely agree with you. 'Local Option' is—is—um—more or less of an Imposture."
Miss Harcourt (horrified, appearing in the doorway). "Oh! Mr. G.! Mr. G.!!"
["... Local option ... if pretending to the honour of a remedy, is little better than an imposture.... I am glad to see that Mr. Chamberlain is active in your cause."—Extract from a Letter written by Mr. Gladstone to the Bishop of Chester. See Daily Paper, Sept. 19.]