IMAGINARY CONVERSATION.
(Without the least foundation.)
Mr. Punch. Captain Leicester Vernon, you will be good enough to answer a few questions.
The Captain. Sir, I shall be happy to do so.
Mr. Punch. You are, Captain, I believe, the adapter of the drama called The Lancers, performing at Mr. Charles Kean's theatre?
The Captain. I am.
Mr. Punch. You are also the member for Chatham?
The Captain. I am.
Mr. Punch. You intend to take your seat in the next Parliament, and do your duty by your constituents and the nation?
The Captain. Such is my desire.
Mr. Punch. And the aspiration does you credit. Some very important questions will come before the Legislature during the approaching Session.
The Captain. Ah! They always say that—always.
Mr. Punch. And rightly, Sir. But in the next Session we are promised measures whose importance is indisputable. In the first place, Captain, there is the Reform Bill. To vote rightly—I will not say speak sensibly—upon its clauses, some information is necessary to a member of Parliament. Favour me with a sketch of the history of popular representation, of the principles on which you consider it should be based, and of the arguments for and against extension of the suffrage.
The Captain. Really—a—a—
Mr. Punch. Ah! You have not studied the subject. Well. We are to have a measure for the better distribution of the revenues of the Church of England. Pray what is the amount of those revenues, and upon what tenure are they held?
The Captain. Amount. Tenure. Really—a—a—
Mr. Punch. Ah! you have not studied the subject. Non omma possumus omnes. Well—we are to have a revision of the criminal law. What do you consider the principal defects of the present system, and what remedies would you adopt with regard to old, as distinct from juvenile offenders?
The Captain. Distinction. Come—well—why—a—if—that is—a—
Mr. Punch. Ah! You have not studied the subject. Well. The question of Colonial Administration is to be raised, and the comparative advantages of central and of local self-government will be discussed. Will you sketch the working of each system in our colonies, distinguishing those to which constitutions have been granted, and will you point out the defects of both the existing systems?
The Captain. Why—a—if you come to foreign parts—why—a—
Mr. Punch. Ah! You have not studied the subject. Well. We shall have to consider a most important topic, partly legal, partly social; I mean the doctrine of partnership, and of limited liability, on the wise treatment of which depends the welfare of myriads of our population. What is your theory of partnership?
The Captain. Really—as to topics of that head—a—a—
Mr. Punch. Ah! You have not studied the subject. Then, Sir, with every one of the great questions of the next Parliament unstudied by you, why do I find you wasting your time in translating French plays for Mr. Charles Kean. Is he getting up your Parliamentary information for you? (The Captain bursts into tears.) There, there—I only gave you a hint, and there are three months to the meeting of Parliament. If you distinguish yourself there, I shall have nothing to say to The Lancers; but if not—
[The Captain rushes off to buy Mill, Bentham, Hallam, De Lomme, Blackstone, &c. &c.