ADVERTISEMENT EXTRAORDINARY.
A GENTLEMAN, who is about to proceed to New South Wales, on the public account, for fourteen years, is desirous of providing a confidential situation for an active YOUTH, previously to his departure. He is exceedingly light-fingered, and very dexterous in the conveyance of property; and, among his other accomplishments, the advertiser can confidently recommend him for considerable skill in opening locks without the aid of a key. He has been brought up to the bar; and is lineally descended from the renowned Jerry Abershaw. Most of his relations have been raised to exalted situations, far above the ordinary crowd; and, indeed, there is little doubt, that the force of his genius, if suffered to take its course, will, in time, procure for him the same degree of elevation. He can refer with confidence for a character to any of the gentlemen composing that respectable body, the Swell Mob Association; and the advertiser will be happy to reply to any inquiries, addressed—Peter Prig, Esq., at the Stone Jug Hotel, Old Bailey.
APRIL.
| 1835.] | APRIL. | ||
|---|---|---|---|
| Opera open—Town fills— | |||
| Old fools dance quadrilles— | |||
| Paganini's fiddle-de-D— | |||
| The D— once fiddled a guinea from me— | |||
| Crockford's splendid Saturday Dinners— | |||
| Sunday—"Miserable sinners!" | |||
| M | Season's | Odd Matters. | WEATHER. |
| D | Signs. | ||
| 1 | growing | If it be | |
| 2 | showers | APRIL RHYMES. | neither |
| 3 | springing | Rhymes for April—let me sing | ♄ ♊ ♌ ☿ ⚹ |
| The pleasures of returning spring. | |||
| 4 | flowers | warm | |
| I wish, in verse the lines ran single, | |||
| 5 | hot | 'Tis tiresome, hunting words that jingle, | nor cold, wet |
| And just as hard, in any season, | |||
| 6 | cross | To furnish either rhyme or reason: | nor dry, |
| For showers, and bowers, and buds of roses, | |||
| 7 | bunn | Nights, and blights, and blue cold noses, | ♂ ☉ ☌ ☍ |
| Beams and gleams, and flow'rets springing, | |||
| 8 | day | Feather'd warblers, winging, singing, | calm |
| Hills and rills, and groves and loves, | |||
| 9 | Easter | Wooing, cooing, turtle-doves, | nor storm; |
| Shades and glades, and larks and thrushes, | |||
| 10 | Monday | Chilly grass, and dripping bushes, | and |
| Are soon a poor exhausted store;— | |||
| 11 | what a | I'll try a city theme for more. | |
| ⚹ ♊ ♄ ☉ | |||
| 12 | fun | Judges, fudges, wigs, and prigs, | |
| In coaches, busses, cabs, and gigs, | there be | ||
| 13 | day! | Dripping, tripping, slipping, slopping, | |
| Pink silk stockings go a-shopping; | neither | ||
| 14 | prentice | Haggling, draggling, puddling, poking, | |
| Drizzling, mizzling, muddling, soaking, | |||
| 15 | boys | Dirty crossings, dainty faces, | ♃ ♄ ☉ ☿ ♂ |
| Pretty legs choose widest places; | |||
| 16 | full | And fools are made, by far the worst, | frost, snow, |
| On other days besides the First. | |||
| 17 | of | hail, rain, | |
| 18 | joys | ||
| 19 | noise | ♊ ☉ | |
| 20 | toys | ♄ ♊ ☿ ♂ ⚹ | |
| 21 | Greenwich | why then | |
| 22 | hill | you may say, | |
| 23 | Jack | ♄ ♊ ☉ | |
| 24 | and | that | |
| 25 | Jill | ||
| ♃ ♄ ♊ ☉ ♂ | |||
| 26 | tumble | ||
| I am | |||
| 27 | down | ||
| ☌ ☉ ♌ ♈ ☿ | |||
| 28 | crack | ||
| no | |||
| 29 | their | ||
| conjurer. | |||
| 30 | crown | ||
ABSTRACT of an ACT, intituled an Act for the Amendment of an
Act for the Amendment of the Poor Laws.
[To be passed on the 1st of April next.]
Preamble.—Abuses all former Acts, and repeals them accordingly.
Clause 1.—Empowers paupers to act as Churchwardens and Overseers; to form their own vestries, and pass laws for their own relief.
Clause 2.—Provides for weekly tavern dinners for the same; and stipulates for a bountiful supply of turtle-soup, venison, burgundy, champagne, hock, claret, and rose-water.
Clause 3.—Enacts that pensions, of not less than £1000 per annum, shall be granted to all former Churchwardens and Overseers, as a compensation for their loss of office; and that they shall each be raised to the rank of baronet, as a compensation for their loss of dignity.
Clause 4.—Enacts that every able-bodied pauper, who can work, shall be allowed five guineas per week each, and two guineas for each of their children, illegitimate or otherwise; and should any refractory pauper refuse this allowance, and prefer breaking stones at a penny per bushel, he shall be forthwith committed to the custody of the keeper of the London Tavern, if in the City of London, or of some inn or hotel, if any other part of the kingdom, and be compelled to feast like an alderman, till he show symptoms of contrition.
Clause 5.—That as many paupers may prefer being boarded and lodged, suitable mansions shall be erected for the purpose, in cheerful and airy situations; to which governors shall be appointed, to be elected by the paupers, for the due regulation thereof. And if, on complaint of one or more of the said paupers, it shall appear, that the said governor hath, on any occasion, omitted to provide them with all due necessaries, such as silver forks, doileys, finger-glasses, napkins, or other indispensable matters; or hath omitted to serve their tea, coffee, or chocolate, in silver pots, and china cups and saucers; or substituted plain lump for double-refined lump sugar, or milk for cream, or tallow for wax candles, or a feather-bed for a down-bed: or neglected to keep the harp or piano in proper tune, or to furnish clean linen once a day, (if they desire it, but not otherwise); or presumed to call them out of bed before twelve at noon, unless specially directed so to do; or behaved disrespectfully, or omitted to stand uncovered in their presence, &c. &c. &c. for each and every such offence, the said governor shall be committed to the tread-mill for not less than six calendar months.
Clause 6.—Each pauper, who is a boarder as aforesaid, shall be at liberty to invite as many friends as he pleases, to a grand dinner party, to be holden once a week; a concert and ball to be holden twice a week; and a grand concert and ball to take place four times in the year; on which occasion, the said paupers, or a committee thereof, shall be at liberty to engage any of the Italian singers, provided their terms do not exceed 100 guineas each per night.
Clause 7.—Allows a premium of 50 guineas to the mother of every illegitimate child born in the said mansion.
Clause 8.—Enacts that the halt, the maimed, and the blind, together with all aged, infirm, diseased, idiotic, and insane persons, and all who are unable, through mental or bodily incapacity, to maintain themselves, shall be allowed the liberty of begging their bread on the king's highway; by which, public sympathy will be powerfully awakened, and pauperism effectually discouraged.
Clause 9.—Enacts that all the moneys, necessary for carrying the foregoing provisions into effect, shall be disbursed from the pockets of the honest and industrious.
Clause 10.—Enacts that this Act shall neither be altered, amended, nor repealed.