Toasts and Forms of Public Address for Those Who Wish to Say the Right Thing in the Right Way

by William Pittenger

60. MAKING MOST OF ONE'S CAPITAL

[One should always make the most of his capital, as this orator did.]

"Fellow-citizens, my competitor has told you of the services he rendered in the late war. I will follow his example, and I shall tell you of mine. He basely insinuates that I was deaf to the voice of honor in that crisis. The truth is, I acted a humble part in that memorable contest. When the tocsin of war summoned the chivalry of the country to rally to the defense of the nation, I, fellow-citizens, animated by that patriotic spirit that glows in every American's bosom, hired a substitute for that war, and the bones of that man, fellow-citizens, now lie bleaching in the valley of the Shenandoah!"