I must say something to those People who have introduced a kind of Fraud of late Years, which now and then runs through the Town like a Contagion: It is call'd Auctioneering, or vending various kinds of Goods by way of Cant or Auction. Soon after a Man of any Note has obtained a Mors Janua Vitæ against his Wife, and publish'd it over his Door, or a Woman has done the same thing by her Husband; a Gang of People, call'd Bughunters, take possession of the House, by displaying their Standard, a huge rotten Carpet, and wage War against all the good Housewives in the Town. Moor-fields and Knaves-acre are drain'd of their Lumber, and scarce a thirtieth Part of the deceased Person's real Furniture is on the Premisses. Next, a News-paper proclaims the Goods of Lady Good-for-nothing lately deceased, to be sold, or rather given away to such as shall take the trouble to fetch them. All the thrifty Ladies take the Hint, and away to the place of Auction; the Orator, or Mouth of the Sale, surrounded by his Puffs and Setters, shows away. One Fellow is professing his Astonishment at the low Prices the things go at, while a Hussey dress'd out for the Day, is bidding against a Woman of Quality, with no intention to buy, but to bring up those that are come thither for no other Purpose to a Price far beyond the real Value. A third Person in the same Circumstance pretends to raise a Dispute, and rails at the Rostrum in behalf of the Company, as a Disguise that he may either decoy or postpone, as occasion shall require. The Ladies return home mightily pleased and satisfied with their fine Pennyworths, and their Judgments are sure to be admired by their Women, and every poor dependant Cousin. The Auctioneers and their Setters retire to the next Tavern, where they drink their Healths, and join in a Chorus for getting rid of their crazy Furniture, &c. such that, perhaps, nothing but a Fire or an Execution besides could have moved out of their Shops.

A Set of gay young Fellows, who have been reduced by Play, and other common Accidents of the Town, have discover'd a Means of obtaining a Livelyhood within a Year past, that cannot but fail of meeting with the Approbation of the ingenious Mr. Roger Johnson: They dress exceeding well, and have a Chair attending them every Evening to such Taverns and Coffee-Houses as they have pitch'd upon in the Day, as most proper for the execution of their Designs. They enquire for one another, and People that they are sure not to meet with; and after taking out a fine Snuff-Box, and displaying a pretty Ring, with several other Airs, call for a Pint of Wine, if it be in a Tavern; and for a Glass of Arrack, be it in a Coffee-House, the Chairmen waiting the mean time in the Passage. After the Beau has turned himself about in the Glass, and asked a number of insignificant Questions, he desires Change for a Guinea, or perhaps some other large Piece of Gold, which he carelessly throws upon the Bar, and then leaps again towards the Glass or the Fire. Presently the Bar-keeper cries Laud, Sir, this is not a good one! The Man or Woman is answer'd by a Volley of Oaths, and the Words run vastly high, till the Chairmen, by peeping through the Windows, perceive their Master has the worst of the Dispute; and then come in bowing with their Heads as crooked as Dolphins, to know if his Honour has any Commands? The Place is all silent upon the appearance of the Fellows with their Straps; and a Customer, in kindness to the House, interferes in the Dispute, and bids the Bar-keeper not be too rash; for, to be sure, the Mistake must be in her: for, that a Gentleman of such an Appearance, and so attended, must certainly be in the right on't. The Fellow receives a good Piece for his bad one, and not content with that alone, insists upon their publick acknowledging their Error, and begging his Pardon for the Affront; to which the People readily comply, and away he is gone in his Chair, to serve as many more Houses as he can in the same manner.

There are at least thirty People that I have my Eye upon every Day who dress in Pig-tail Perriwigs and Velvet Breeches, and appear at Plays and Operas, that have not a Shilling in the World but what they get by these Practices.

A sober Citizen, who had been yoked about fourteen Years, and had several Children by his Wife, happen'd to have a Call to the Town of Northampton to transact some Business of Importance to his Family. In the course of his Life he had not exceeded the Bounds of Highgate or Greenwich, though some say he once ventured to make the Tour of Epsom; however, be that as it will, the dreadful Day for his Departure is come, his Will has been made in due Form, and his Affairs entirely settled before he undertook so tedious and hazardous a Journey. Had the poor Creature been going to Babylon or Damascus, the Wife could not have shed more Tears, and shewn more Grief than she did on the Occasion; she fainted several times, and the People, that were about her, had much ado to keep Life in her; all Endeavours to comfort her not availing, she remain'd inconsolable, telling them, It was fine Talking for those that had never felt the Pain of parting with a Husband. The last tender parting Kiss is given an hundred times over, and her Tears bring his Handkerchief out of his Pocket, in deep Sorrow to leave his dear Betty and his poor Babes. In a Flood of briny Tears he is beseeched not to fail writing by every Post, and every other Opportunity which shall offer: she promising faithfully not to omit doing the like on her part. At last he is mounted, and the Eyes of the whole Family continue upon him till his Horse and he are quite out of sight.

By that time he had reach'd the Town of Barnet, his Horse chanced to fall lame, and himself was so disorder'd, having not rid for many Years before, that he found himself altogether unable to proceed any further, and therefore waited till the Evening, when he got Passage in a Coach that was coming from the North to London. When he came into his Shop at about Twelve at Night, the first thing he met with was his 'Prentice with his Pockets largely stuffed out with Goods to the Value of Twenty Pounds, which he was going to sell for his own Benefit; the House-Maid and Nursery-Maid, with a jovial Company, had got an elegant Supper before them with some of his best Wines on the Table; the Journeyman and his Cook he found upon a Pack in the Warehouse in the most tender Embraces. Next, to his Wife's Chamber, that he found fast lock'd on the Inside, and for all his kicking and swearing for half an Hour together, he could not find Admittance. Presently the Street was in an Uproar with the Cry of Thieves! Thieves! a good-sized Animal being seen sliding by a white Sheet down from the Chamber-Window by a Watchman who had laid hands on him; and when he was brought into the House by a number of People with only his Breeches and Shoes on, he appeared to be an Attorney of Furnival's-Inn, who had been constantly employed in doing this Citizen's Business, and was now doing Business for his Wife.

A young Gentleman, that had made his Addresses for a long time to the only Daughter of a Widow-Lady, and every one looking upon the thing that it would one Day be a Match, they were permitted to be together frequently alone; to which Opportunity he joined those pressing and prevailing Importunities, that were too hard for a young innocent Creature to withstand. In a word, she granted all that was in her power to give, and surrendred at Discretion the last Favour. A Maid-Servant, who had kept a watchful Eye upon the Conduct of these two Lovers, as knowing by Experience what it was for a young Girl to be left alone with a pretty Fellow, peep'd thro' a Key-Hole, and saw them very fairly go sans Ceremony to bed together. The Maid having now pretty well secured her Game, steals privately up to her old Mistress's Chamber, and gave her an Account of the hopeful way her young Lady was in. The old Lady causes her Brother, who lodg'd in the House with her, and was a resolute Sea-Officer, to be call'd up, to give her his Advice and Assistance in so nice and critical a Conjuncture. The Captain, as well as his Sister, were warm'd with the highest Resentment for so horrid a Violation of the Laws of Honour and Hospitality; the one declared he would do the Business of the Man, and the other was resolv'd to turn her Daughter out into the Street, altho' it was more than Midnight. In this Disposition they both came to Miss's Chamber-Door, and demanded Entrance. It may be easy to imagine what an Interruption this sudden and unexpected Accident gave to the Joys of the amorous Couple, and the Terror that it laid them under. The young Fellow begg'd his dear Creature to recover her Surprize, to be directed by his Conduct, and follow the Example he should give her; which would extricate them both out of the Difficulty, into which their rash Loves had involv'd them. Both leap'd out of the Bed in their Shifts, and called out to the Assailants on the other side of the Chamber-Door, he bidding them to offer no farther Disturbance at their Peril, for that he would protect and defend his lawful Wife to the last Extremity; but that, if they had a mind to enter civilly, and hearken to Reason, he would not give them the trouble of breaking open the Door. The Words lawful Wife deeply affected the old Woman, who began to compose herself, upon hearing so comfortable an Expression; her Passion and Violence being abated, she cry'd Dear Molly, open the Door, 'tis none but your Uncle and my self. As soon as they enter'd, both the young People went on their Knees, and ask'd the old Lady Blessing; she could give them no Answer till she had given vent to her Tears, and then said, She had not been so unkind a Parent, but that she might have been acquainted with the Thing: but, since it was done, she wished them both well together, and intreated them to return into Bed again; for, that she could not bear to see them stand in that manner in the Cold. The Uncle saluted his Niece and Nephew, giving them his Compliments on their Nuptials, and then retired with his Sister. The young Folks soon got to Bed again. The Fellow lay till five in the Morning, and then found an Opportunity to get out of the House before the Family was stirring; so that when the good old Lady arose, she saw no more of her quondam Son-in-law.

A Man who keeps an Half-Crown or Twelve-penny Ordinary, looks not more for Money from his Customers, than a Footman does from every Guest that dines or sups with his Master; and I question whether the one does not often think a Shilling or Half a Crown, according to the Quality of the Person, his Due as much as the other. I have seen a decay'd Gentleman of as antient and honourable a Family as any in the Kingdom, sit in great pain at a Person of Quality's Table for want of Half a Crown in his Pocket to pay the Butler and Footman for his Dinner. And if a Person is known to fail in this respect, the next time he comes to the House, he is sure to have the Look which a Court Table-keeper bestows upon a hungry Poet or an Officer in Half-pay, who shall be invited by any Gentleman-Waiter to Dinner, fix'd on him all the time he is eating.

People in the middle Station of Life must pay as regularly for their Admission to the Persons of the Great, as those do who enter into beneficial Offices and Places. I have been informed, that there is affix'd up in several Ale-houses and other publick Places where Servants resort to at the other End of the Town, a List or Table of Fees to be taken by Noblemen's Porters, Footmen, and Valets de Chambre, for People's having Access to their Masters, viz.

l.s.d.
For a Tradesman to be heard vivâ voce, upon the Subject of a large Debt of a long standing, 0106
For a poor Clergyman supplicating a Chaplainship, or any other Ecclesiastical Preferment. 050
For a Poet to present a Dedication 026
For a Mercer or Draper to exhibit a choice new Pattern. 020
For a Person's obtaining the Promise of a Place. 050
For every Tradesman's Bill that is suffered to lie upon the Table for my Lord and Lady's Perusal. 010
For every paid-off Bill above Ten Pounds 0100