PODKHALYÚZIN. Money! Glory to God, I have more money than any nobleman.
LÍPOCHKA. What in the world are they doing to me? They've been bringing me up all these years, and then go bankrupt! [Silence.
PODKHALYÚZIN. Now suppose, Olimpiáda Samsónovna, that you married a nobleman—what will that ever amount to, ma'am? Only the glory of being a lady, but not the least pleasure, ma'am. Please consider: ladies themselves often go to the market on foot, ma'am. And if they do drive out anywhere, then it's only the glory of having four horses; but the whole team ain't worth one merchant's horse. By heaven, it ain't, ma'am! And they don't dress so blamed superbly either, ma'am! But if, Olimpiáda Samsónovna, you should marry me, ma'am—here's the first word: you'll wear silk gowns even at home, and visiting, and to the theatre, ma'am—and we shan't dress you in anything but velvets. In respect to hats and cloaks—we won't care what's in style with the nobility, but we'll furnish you the finest ever! We'll get horses from the Orlov stud. [Silence] If you have doubts on the question of my looks, then that's just as you like, ma'am; I'll put on a dress coat, and trim my beard or cut it off, according to the fashion, ma'am; that's all one to me, ma'am.
LÍPOCHKA. You all talk that way before the wedding; but afterwards you cheat us.
PODKHALYÚZIN. May I die on the spot, Olimpiáda Samsónovna! Damnation blast me if I lie! Why should I, Olimpiáda Samsónovna? D'you think we'll live in a house like this? We'll buy one in the Karetny, ma'am; and how we'll decorate it! We'll have birds of paradise on the ceilings, sirens, various Coopids[1]—people'll pay good money just to look at it.
[Footnote 1: These are not the only words that Podkhalyúzin mispronounces; Olimpiáda is another.]
LÍPOCHKA. They don't paint Coopids any more nowadays.
PODKHALYÚZIN. Then we'll let 'em paint bókays. [Silence] If you'd only agree on your side, then I don't want anything more in life. [Silence] How unfortunate I am, anyhow, that I can't say nice compliments.
LÍPOCHKA. Why don't you talk French, Lázar Elizárych?
PODKHALYÚZIN. Because there was no reason why I should. [Silence] Make me happy, Olimpiáda Samsónovna; grant me that blessing, ma'am. [Silence] Just tell me to kneel to you.