A Yorkshireman recently entered an auction mart. Looking around and catching the auctioneer’s eye during a lull in the bidding, he shouted loudly enough to be heard by all: May I bid, sir?

Certainly, said the man of the hammer, thinking him a customer.

All eyes being turned on the questioner, he, making for the door, said:

Well, I’ll bid you good-night, then.

The laughter which followed stopped business for some time.


In the sweet silence of the twilight they honey-spooned upon the beach.

Dearest, she murmured, trembling, now that we are married, I—I have a secret to tell you!

What is it sweetheart? he asked softly.