Why are people of short memories necessarily covetous? Because they’re always for-getting something.
What is the beginning of every end, and the end of every place? The letter E.
Why is the tolling of a bell like the prayers of a hypocrite? Because it is a solemn sound by a thoughtless tongue.
What letters of the alphabet are most like a Roman emperor? The C’s are.
Why is a sneeze like Niagara? Because it’s a catarrh-act.
When does water resemble a gymnast? When it makes a spring.
What bird is in season all the year? The weather-cock.
What would you expect to find on a literary man’s breakfast table? Bacon’s Remains, Final memories of Lamb, if in season, and Shelley fragments.
When is a sick man a contradiction? When he is an impatient patient.
What is the dog-star announced to be? A sky-terrier.