Why is a stupid fellow like G sharp? Because he is A flat.
What do ladies look for when they go to church? The Sams (psalms) and hims (hymns).
Why are married men like steamboats? Because they are sometimes blown up.
What ship contains more people than the “Great Eastern”? Courtship.
Why is a ship like a woman? Because she is often tender to a man-of war; often running after a smack; often attached to a buoy (boy); and frequently making up to a peer (pier).
Why do women make good post-office clerks? Because they know how to manage the mails (males).
Why is lip-salve like a chaperon? Because it is intended to keep the chaps away.
If a pair of andirons cost $7.75, what would a ton of coal come to? To ashes.
What is worse than raining cats and dogs? Hailing omnibuses.
Why is an umbrella like a pancake? Because it is seldom seen after Lent.