Why is I the luckiest of all the vowels? Because it is in the centre of bliss, while E is in hell and all the others are in purgatory.
What is the longest word in the English language? Smiles, because there is a mile between the first and last letter.
Why have chickens no fear of a future state? Because they have their next world (necks twirled) in this.
Why cannot a deaf man be legally convicted? Because it is unlawful to condemn a man without a hearing.
Why is a man who beats his wife like a thorough-bred horse? Because he’s a perfect brute.
What is that which you can keep after giving to some one else? Your word.
Why are teeth like verbs? Because they are regular, irregular, and defective.
Why is Queen Victoria like a hat? Because they both have crowns.
Why is a plum-pudding like the ocean? Because it contains many currants.
Who may marry many a wife and still be single all his life? A clergyman.