Why are some girls like old muskets? Because they use a good deal of powder, but won’t go off.
What kind of medicine does a man take for a scolding wife? He takes an elixir (an’ he licks her).
Why is a dirty man like flannel? Because he shrinks from washing.
What is the difference between a young maiden of sixteen and an old maid of sixty? One is happy and careless, and the other is cappy and hairless.
Why is a pair of skates like an apple? Because they have both occasioned the fall of man.
What is most like a hen stealing? A cock-robin.
If Old Nick were to lose his tail, where would he go to get another? To a grog-shop, because bad spirits are retailed there.
Why is a young man engaged to a young lady like a man sailing for a port in France? Because he is bound to Havre (have her).
Why is the opening of a new dry-goods store like a house on fire? Because it starts all the bells (belles) in the city.
Why would it be impossible to starve in the desert of Sahara? Because of the sand which is (sandwiches) there.