How do young ladies sometimes show their dislike to mustaches? By setting their faces against them.
Why are there three objections to taking a glass of brandy? Because there are three scruples to a dram.
Why is the root of the tongue like a dejected man? Because it’s down in the mouth.
What is that which we often return, but never borrow? Thanks.
What animals are always seen at funerals? Black kids.
What is the difference between a French pastry cook and a bill sticker? One puffs up paste, the other pastes up puffs.
Why is it vulgar to sing and play by yourself? Because it’s so low (solo).
Why is a dog biting his tail like a good manager? Because he makes both ends meet.
Why is a watch-dog larger by night than by day? Because at night he is let out, and in the day he is taken in.
Why did the Highlanders do most execution at Waterloo? Because every man had one kilt before the battle.