Luke had it first, Paul had it last; boys never have it; girls have it but once; Miss Sullivan had it twice in the same place, but when she married Pat Murphy she never had it again? The letter L.
Why are ladies the biggest thieves in existence? Because they steel their petticoats, bone their stays, crib their babies, and hook their dresses.
Why is a man who makes additions to a false rumor like one who has confidence in all that is told to him? Because he re-lies on all he hears.
When does a farmer double up a sheep without hurting it? When he folds it.
What did the managing editor say when the horticultural editor said he had cultivated hothouse lilac bushes that attained a height of over fifty feet? I wish I could lilac (lie like) that.
Why is an apothecary like a wood-cock? Because he has a long bill.
What is the most engaging work of art? A fashionable young lady.
Who is the oldest lunatic on record? Time out of mind.
Why do the recriminations of a married couple resemble the sound of the waves on the seashore? Because they are the murmurs of the tide (tied).
What bird is rude? The mocking bird.