A Correct Letter to a Prospective Father-in-Law Who Is in the Advertising Business
JUST A MOMENT!
Have you ever stopped to consider the problem of grandchildren?
Do you know, for example, that ONLY 58% of the fathers in America
are GRANDFATHERS?
Did it ever occur to you that only 39% of the grandfathers in
America EVER HAVE GRANDCHILDREN?
Honestly, now, don’t there come moments, after the day’s work is
done and you are sitting in your slippers before the fire, when
you would give any thing in the world for a soft little voice to
call you GRANDPA?
Be fair to your daughter
Give her a College educated husband! COMPLIMENTS OF EDWARD FISH
Perhaps, if the old gentleman is employed in the Credit Department of Brooks Brothers, Frank Brothers, or any one of the better class stores, the following might prove effective:
A Correct Letter to a Prospective Father-in-Law Who Is Employed in a Credit Department
MY DEAR MR. ROBERTS: 10-6-22
I am writing you in regard to a little matter of matrimony which
no doubt you have overlooked in the press of business elsewhere.
This is not to be considered as a “dun” but merely as a gentle
reminder of the fact that it would be extremely agreeable if you
could see fit to let me marry your daughter before the first of
next month. I feel sure that you will give this matter your
immediate attention.
Yours truly,
ED. FISH.
11-2-22
DEAR MR. ROBERTS:
As you have not as yet replied to my communication of 10-6-22
regarding marriage to your daughter, I presume that you were not
at the time disposed to take care of the matter to which I
referred. I feel sure that upon consideration you will agree that
my terms are exceedingly liberal and I must therefore request
that you let me have some word from you before the first of next
month.
Yours truly,
EDWARD FISH.
(Registered Mail) 12-2-22
DEAR SIR:
You have not as yet replied to my communication of 10-6-22 and
11-2-22. I should regret exceedingly being forced to place this
matter in the hands of my attorneys, Messrs. Goldstein and
Nusselmann, 41 City Nat’l Bank Bldg.
E. FISH.
Of course, it would never do to carry this series to its conclusion and if no reply is received to this last letter it might be well to call on the gentleman in his place of business—or, possibly, it might even be better to call off the engagement. “None but the brave deserve the fair”—but there is also a line in one of Byron’s poems which goes, I believe, “Here sleep the brave.”
LOVE LETTERS
A young man corresponding with his fiancée is never, of course, as formal as in his letters to other people. This does not mean, however, that his correspondence should be full of silly meaningless “nothings.” On the contrary, he should aim to instruct and benefit his future spouse as well as convey to her his tokens of affection. The following letter well illustrates the manner in which a young man may write his fiancée a letter which, while it is replete with proper expressions of amatory good will, yet manages to embody a fund of sensible and useful information:
A Correct Letter from a Young Man Traveling in Europe to His Fiancée
MY DEAREST EDITH:
How I long to see you—to hold tight your hand—to look into your
eyes. But alas! you are in Toledo and I am in Paris, which, as
you know, is situated on the Seine River near the middle of the
so-called Paris basin at a height above sea-level varying from 85
feet to 419 feet and extending 7 1/2 miles from W. to E. and 5
1/2 miles from N. to S. But, dearest, I carry your image with me
in my heart wherever I go in this vast city with its population
(1921) of 2,856,986 and its average mean rainfall Of 2.6 inches,
and I wish—oh, how I wish—that you might be here with me.
Yesterday, for example, I went to the Père Lachaise cemetery
which is the largest (106 acres) and most fashionable cemetery in
Paris, its 90,148 (est.) tombs forming a veritable open-air
sculpture gallery. And what do you think I found there which made
me think of you more than ever? Not the tombs of La Fontaine (d.
1695) and Molière (d. 1673) whose remains, transferred to this
cemetery in 1804, constituted the first interments—not the last
resting place of Rosa Bonheur (d. 1899) or the victims of the
Opéra Comique fire (1887)—no, dearest, it was the tomb of
Abelard and Heloïse, those late 11th early 12th century lovers,
and you may well imagine what thoughts, centering upon a young
lady whose first name begins with E, filled my heart as I gazed
at this impressive tomb, the canopy of which is composed of
sculptured fragments collected by Lenoir from the Abbey of
Nogent-sur-Seine (Aube).
Edith dearest, I am sitting in my room gazing first at your dear
picture and then out of my window at the Eiffel Tower which is
the tallest structure in the world, being 984 feet high
(Woolworth Building 750 feet, Washington Obelisk 555 feet, Great
Pyramid 450 feet). And although it may sound too romantic, yet it
seems to me, dearest, that our love is as strong and as sturdy as
this masterpiece of engineering construction which weighs 7,000
tons, being composed of 12,000 pieces of metal fastened by
2,500,000 iron rivets.
Farewell, my dearest one—I must go now to visit the Catacombs, a
huge charnelhouse which is said to contain the remains of nearly
three million persons, consisting of a labyrinth of galleries
lined with bones and rows of skulls through which visitors are
escorted on the first and third Saturday of each month at 2 P. M.
I long to hold you in my arms.
Devotedly,
PAUL.