What is the difference between a donkey and a postage stamp? One you lick with a stick, the other you stick with a lick.
Why shouldn't you go to church if you have a cough? Because you will be sure to disturb the rest of the congregation.
When is it dangerous to enter a church? When there is a canon in the reading desk, a great gun in the pulpit, and a bishop charges the congregation.
When is a rushlight like a tombstone? When it is put up for a late husband.
Why are women like churches? Because there is no living without one; because there is many a-spire to them; and because they are objects of adoration.
Why is your thumb, when putting on a glove, like eternity? Because it's ever-last-in' (everlasting).
Why are kisses like creation? They are made of nothing, yet are very good.
Why is a ragged beggar like a clergyman near the end of his sermon? He's tor'd his clothes.
Why is a greenback more desirable than gold? When you put it in your pocket you double it and when you take it out you find it in creases.
Why is it dangerous to walk out in the spring? The grass is full of blades, the trees are shooting, every flower has a pistil, and the bull rushes out.