A man bought two fishes, but on taking them home found he had three; how was this? He had two—and one smelt.
If the poker, shovel, and tongs cost five dollars, what would a ton of coal come to? To ashes.
Why is a blacksmith the most dissatisfied of all mechanics? Because he's always on the strike for wages.
Why is selling off bankrupt goods like preparing a dish of soup? Because it is a liquidation of stock.
Why is a wide-awake so called? Because it never had a nap, and never wants one.
What is the difference between a young lady and a wide-awake hat? One has feeling, the other is felt.
What is worse than raining cats and dogs? Hailing street cars.
What is the oldest lunatic on record? Time out of mind.
How can you make one pound of green tea go as far as five pounds of black? Buy the above quantities in Boston, and send them down to New York.
Why is a patent safety Hansom cab a dangerous carriage to drive in? Because the cabman always drives over your head.