Modesty is a requisite upon which too much stress cannot be laid; but this, to an English reader, requires some explanation. ´Alee asked his wife Fáṭimeh, "Who is the best of women?" She answered, "She who sees not men, and whom they see not."[259] Modesty, therefore, in the opinion of the Muslims, is most eminently shewn by a woman's concealing her person, and restraining her eyes, from men. "The best rank of men [in a mosque]," said the Prophet, "is the front; and the best rank of women is the rear,"[260]—that is, those most distant from the men: but better than even these are the women who pray at home.[261] Fruitfulness is also a desirable qualification to be considered in the choice of a wife: "it may be known in maidens," said the Prophet, "from their relations; because, generally speaking, kindred are similar in disposition, etc."[262] Lastly, contentment is to be enumerated among the requisites. It is said, on the same authority, "Verily the best of women are those that are most content with little."[263] To obtain a contented and submissive wife, many men make their selection from among the classes inferior to them in rank. Others, with a similar view, prefer a slave in the place of a wife.
The consent of a young girl is not required: her father, or, if he be dead, her nearest adult male relation, or a guardian appointed by will or by the Ḳáḍee, acts as her wekeel or deputy, to effect the marriage-contract for her. If of age, she appoints her own deputy. A dowry is required to legalize the marriage; and the least dowry allowed by the law is ten dirhems,—about five shillings of our money. Moḥammad married certain of his wives for a dowry of ten dirhems and the household necessaries, which were a hand-mill to grind the corn, a water-jar, and a pillow of skin or leather stuffed with the fibres of the palm-tree (leef), but some he married for a dowry of five hundred dirhems.[264] With the increase of wealth and luxury, dowries have increased in amount; but to our ideas they are still trifling: a sum equivalent to about twenty pounds sterling being a common dowry among Arabs of the middle classes for a virgin, and half or a third or quarter of that sum for a divorced woman or a widow. Two thirds of the sum is usually paid before making the contract, and the remaining portion held in reserve to be paid to the woman in case of her divorce or in case of the husband's death. The father or guardian of a girl under age receives the former portion of her dowry; but it is considered as her property, and he generally expends it, with an additional sum from his own purse, in the purchase of necessary furniture, dress, etc., for her, which the husband can never take from her against her own wish.
The marriage-contract is generally, in the present day, merely verbal; but sometimes a certificate is written and sealed by the Ḳáḍee. The most approved or propitious period for this act is the month of Showwál: the most unpropitious, Moḥarram. The only persons whose presence is required to perform it are the bridegroom (or his deputy), the bride's deputy (who is the betrother), two male witnesses, if such can be easily procured, and the Ḳáḍee or a schoolmaster or some other person to recite a khuṭbeh, which consists of a few words in praise of God, a form of blessing on the Prophet, and some passages of the Ḳur-án respecting marriage. They all recite the Fátiḥah (or opening chapter of the Ḳur-án), after which the bridegroom pays the money. The latter and the bride's deputy then seat themselves on the ground, face to face, and grasp each other's right hand, raising the thumbs, and pressing them against each other. Previously to the khuṭbeh, the person who recites this formula places a handkerchief over the two joined hands; and after the khuṭbeh he dictates to the two contracting parties what they are to say. The betrother generally uses the following or a similar form of words: "I betroth to thee my daughter [or her for whom I act as deputy] such a one [naming the bride], the virgin [or the adult virgin, etc.], for a dowry of such an amount." The bridegroom answers, "I accept from thee her betrothal to myself." This is all that is absolutely necessary; but the address and reply are usually repeated a second and third time, and are often expressed in fuller forms of words. The contract is concluded with the recital of the Fátiḥah by all persons present.
This betrothal, or marriage-contract, is often performed several years before the wedding, when the two parties are yet children, or during the infancy of the girl; but most commonly not more than about eight or ten days before that event. The household furniture and dress prepared for the bride are sent by her family to the bridegroom's house, usually conveyed by a train of camels, two or three or more days before she is conducted thither.
The feasts and processions which are now to be mentioned are only observed in the case of a virgin-bride; a widow or divorced woman being remarried in a private manner. I describe them chiefly in accordance with the usages of Cairo, which appear to me most agreeable, in general, with the descriptions and allusions in the "Thousand and One Nights." The period most commonly approved for the wedding is the eve of Friday, or that of Monday. Previously to this event, the bridegroom once or twice or more frequently gives a feast to his friends; and for several nights, his house and the houses of his near neighbours are usually illuminated by numerous clusters of lamps, or by lanterns, suspended in front of them; some, to cords drawn across the street. To these or other cords are also suspended small flags, or square pieces of silk, each of two different colours, generally red and green. Some say that the feast or feasts should be given on the occasion of the marriage-contract; others, on the actual wedding; others, again, on both these occasions.[265]
The usual custom of the people of Cairo is to give a feast on the night before the nuptials, and another on the wedding night; but some begin their feasts earlier. Respecting marriage-feasts, the Prophet said, "The first day's feast is an incumbent duty; and the second day's, a sunneh ordinance; and the third day's, for ostentation and notoriety:" and he forbade eating at the feast of the ostentatious.[266] It is a positive duty to accept an invitation to a marriage-feast or other lawful entertainment; but the guest is not obliged to eat.[267] The persons invited and all intimate friends generally send presents of provisions of some kind a day or two before. The Prophet taught that marriage-feasts should be frugal: the best that he gave was with one goat.[268] He approved of demonstrations of joy at the celebration of a marriage with songs, and according to one tradition by the beating of deffs (or tambourines); but in another tradition the latter practice is condemned.[269] The preferable mode of entertaining the guests is by the performance of a zikr.
On the day preceding that on which she is conducted to the bridegroom's house, the bride goes to the public bath, accompanied by a number of her female relations and friends. The procession generally pursues a circuitous route, for the sake of greater display; and on leaving the house, turns to the right. In Cairo, the bride walks under a canopy of silk borne by four men, with one of her near female relations on each side of her. Young unmarried girls walk before her; these are preceded by the married ladies; and the procession is headed and closed by a few musicians with drums and hautboys. The bride wears a kind of pasteboard crown or cap, and is completely veiled from the view of spectators by a Kashmeer shawl placed over her crown and whole person; but some handsome ornaments of the head are attached externally. The other women are dressed in the best of their walking-attire. In the case, however, of a bride of high rank, or of wealth, and often in the case of one belonging to a family of the middle class, the ladies ride upon high-saddled asses, without music or canopy; and the bride is only distinguished by a Kashmeer shawl instead of the usual black silk covering, one or more eunuchs sometimes riding at the head. In the bath, after the ordinary operations of washing, etc., a feast is made, and the party are often entertained by female singers.
Having returned in the same manner to her home, the bride's friends there partake of a similar entertainment with her. Her hands and feet are then stained with ḥennà, and her eyes ornamented with koḥl; and her friends give her small presents of money, and take their leave. "It is a sunneh ordinance that the bride wash her feet in a clean vessel, and sprinkle the water in the corners of the chamber, that a blessing may result from this. She should also brighten her face, and put on the best of her apparel, and adorn her eyes with koḥl, and stain [her hands and feet] with ḥennà [as above mentioned]; and she should abstain, during the first week, from eating anything that contains mustard, and from vinegar, and sour apples."[270]
The bride is conducted to the house of the bridegroom (on the following day) in the same manner as to the bath, or with more pomp. In Cairo, the bridal processions of persons of very high rank are conducted with singular display. The train is usually headed by buffoons and musicians, and a water-carrier loaded with a goat's-skin filled with sand and water, of very great weight, which is often borne for many hours before (as well as during) the procession, merely to amuse the spectators by this feat of strength. Then follow (interrupted by groups of male or female dancers, jugglers, and the like) numerous decorated open waggons or cars, each of which contains several members of some particular trade or art engaged in their ordinary occupations, or one such person with attendants: in one, for instance, a kahwejee, with his assistants and pots and cups and fire, making coffee for the spectators: in a second, makers of sweetmeats: in a third, makers of pancakes (faṭeerehs): in a fourth, silk-lace manufacturers: in a fifth, a silk-weaver, with his loom: in a sixth, tinners of copper vessels, at their work: in a seventh, white-washers, whitening over and over again a wall: in short, almost every manufacture and trade has its representatives in a separate waggon. El-Jabartee describes a procession of this kind in which there were upwards of seventy parties of different trades and arts, each party in a separate waggon, besides buffoons, wrestlers, dancers, and others; followed by various officers, the eunuchs of the bride's family, ladies of the ḥareem with their attendants, then the bride in a European carriage, a troop of memlooks clad in armour, and a Turkish band of music. It was a procession of which the like had not before been seen.[271]
The bride and her party, having arrived at the house, sit down to a repast. The bridegroom does not yet see her. He has already been to the bath, and at nightfall he goes in procession with a number of his friends to a mosque, to perform the night-prayers. He is accompanied by musicians and singers, or by chanters of lyric odes in praise of the Prophet, and by men bearing cressets—poles with cylindrical frames of iron at the top filled with flaming wood; and on his return, most of his other attendants bear lighted wax candles and bunches of flowers.