SECTION III.
Of Advice.
Advice is a very good thing, it is true; it is however a thing which in society is the most displeasing. A giver of advice, who is incessantly repeating, If I was in your place, I should do so and so, repels every one by his pride and indiscretion. Such an impertinent person should know, that he ought not to give advice without he is asked, and that the number of those who ask it is very limited: we are not, however, speaking here of gratifications of vanity, but of that advice, the kindness and affection of which, gives it a claim to our attention. It is necessary to [p155] use much reserve and care, because otherwise you would seem to have a tone of superiority which would array the self-esteem of your friend against your wisest counsels. Of the forms of modesty, no one in this place is superfluous: we may say, “It is possible that I am mistaken, I should be far from having the courage to enquire of you,” &c.
If a person makes any objections, do not say, You do not understand me, but, I have not expressed myself properly.
SECTION IV.
Of Discretion.
The duties of discretion are so sensibly felt by persons of good breeding, that they do not violate them except through forgetfulness. It will be enough then to make an enumeration of them, without intending to point out their necessity.
Discretion requires in the first place, respect with regard to conversation. If, when we enter the house of any one, we hear persons talking in an earnest manner, we step more heavily, in order to give notice to those who are engaged in the conversation. If, in an assembly, two persons retire by themselves to speak of business, we should be careful not to [p156] approach them, nor speak to them until they have separated.
People who have lived a little in the world, know how essential it is not to mingle with curiosity in the business of persons whom we visit; nor are they ignorant what conduct is to be observed in case we surprise persons by an unexpected call; but young persons may not know, and I beg them to give their attention to it.
When we see a person occupied, we retire, or at least make signs of it; if they should detain us, we step aside, and appear to be examining a picture, or looking out of the window, in order to prove that we take no notice of what engages them. But the desire to find for ourselves some such occupation, ought not to lead us to turn over the leaves of books placed upon the chimney-piece or elsewhere; to run over a pamphlet; or to handle visiting cards, or letters, even though it be only to read the superscription. If the person visited should be opening a closet or drawers, it would be rude curiosity to approach in order to see what was contained there. If, among a number of valuable things, they take one to show you, be satisfied with looking at that alone, without appearing to think of the others.
If, before the person visited comes in, we should see another visitor, who, to pass the time, should [p157] take a journal or a book from his pocket, it would be extremely impolite to read over his shoulder, and equally uncivil to read what a person is writing.
It is not allowable to take down the books from a library; but we may, and we even ought to read the titles, in order to praise the good taste which has been shown in the choice of the works.