GRANDMA, (calling) Bring me the Ideal Husband, Pauline.
PAULINE. Yes'm. In a minute, mam.
(Enter PAULINE with the Dummy Husband under her arm. She throws it into a chair. Exit.)
GRANDMA. There! That is our Ideal Husband. He is all a husband should be. He does not drink nor smoke. He does not go to the club at night. He never says an unkind word. And he is happy. Do you know why?
SUSAN. Go ahead. I'll be the goat. What's the answer?
GRANDMA. He is happy because we are kind to him. Because we coddle and pet him. I think, before I finally engage you, Miss Jones, I would like to see an example of your method of coddling and petting.
(SUSAN looks at the dummy thoughtfully, takes a step toward it and pauses, another step, and so on. Finally she jerks the dummy from the chair by the head and lays the head on her shoulder.)
SUSAN. Poor hubby, does his poor head ache? (pats dummy) Was he out so late last night? (puts dummy gently in chair) Let little wifey rub his poor head, (does so) What did hubby say? All right, little wifey will tie a nice cold cloth around poor hubby's head. (does this) Now, kiss little wifey. (kisses dummy) What did hubby say?
GRANDMA. What did he say?
SUSAN. He said "For goodness sake get away from here and leave me alone. Can't you see I'm a sick man? Get out of here and stop bothering me."