(q. Bābur’s first marriage.)
‘Āyisha-sult̤ān Begīm whom my father and hers, i.e. my uncle, Sl. Aḥmad Mīrzā had betrothed to me, came (this year) to Khujand[507] and I took her in the month of Sha‘bān. Though I was not ill-disposed towards her, yet, this being my first marriage, out of modesty and bashfulness, I used to see her once in 10, 15 or 20 days. Later on when even my first inclination did not last, my bashfulness increased. Then my mother Khānīm used to send me, once a month or every 40 Fol. 75b.days, with driving and driving, dunnings and worryings.
(r. A personal episode and some verses by Bābur.)
In those leisurely days I discovered in myself a strange inclination, nay! as the verse says, ‘I maddened and afflicted myself’ for a boy in the camp-bazar, his very name, Bāburī, fitting in. Up till then I had had no inclination for any-one, indeed of love and desire, either by hear-say or experience, I had not heard, I had not talked. At that time I composed Persian couplets, one or two at a time; this is one of the them:—
May none be as I, humbled and wretched and love-sick;
No beloved as thou art to me, cruel and careless.
From time to time Bāburī used to come to my presence but out of modesty and bashfulness, I could never look straight at him; how then could I make conversation (ikhtilāt̤) and recital (hikāyat)? In my joy and agitation I could not thank him (for coming); how was it possible for me to reproach him with going away? What power had I to command the duty of service to myself?[508] One day, during that time of desire and passion when I was going with companions along a lane and suddenly met him face to face, I got into such a state of confusion that I almost went right off. To look straight at him Fol. 76.or to put words together was impossible. With a hundred torments and shames, I went on. A (Persian) couplet of Muḥammad Ṣāliḥ’s[509] came into my mind:—
I am abashed with shame when I see my friend;
My companions look at me, I look the other way.