The downcast and forlorn appearance of these holy men was indeed enough to have enlisted sympathy in their behalf. An end was thus put to the banquet, and Don Perez Goneti inquired of the prisoners, in a peremptory manner, what they had to say for themselves. One more aged than the rest, held up his head, and answered that as it was their mission to do good on earth and pay reverence to the Great Master, so also would they remain true to their king; nor would they crave mercy, since "God protected the right." It must here be mentioned that the two commanders formed themselves into a court, and sat in judgment upon these holy men; while the rest cared not a whit if the devil got the priests. "You confess then that you have been guilty of conspiracy," spoke Don Perez Goneti, "which means that you have merited the halter, which I order you at daylight in the morning; and may the devil take care of you until then, so get to your beads." The guards now marched them away in solemn procession. No sooner had they disappeared, when General Potter, who had at first commended this sentence, turned to his compatriot, and with an air of much anxiety, said: "Pray do not let it be said that I question the justice of your judgment, but I would have you take heed how you hang priests, for being invested with a holiness the unrighteous cannot understand, I am told they have revengeful spirits, which will come back, and not only come back and haunt us wherever we go, but so direct the fates against us as to seal our downfall."
"Aye, and there you are right," rejoined Goneti, "for to my own knowledge, the king of Tutack ordered a priest hung, and his spirit came back and so haunted the kingdom, that it has not prospered since."
"You see then that I have looked well into the thing, and offer you sound logic;" resumed the ready Potter. "Hear me, sir! for I have a better punishment in my head. Spare these holy men the hanging, and let each be mounted on an ass, so that his robes cover the animal's hinder parts. And when you have them thus conditioned, let it be ordered that they ride three hours during the day, for not less than ten days, making a circle in the plaza, and offering up such prayers as our souls may stand in need of." This so delighted Don Goneti that he marvelled at the breadth of his compatriot's intellect, and not only set him down for a man of prodigious resources, but at once fell in with his opinion, forthwith issuing an order that it be carried out to the letter, as will appear in the next chapter.
CHAPTER LV.
WHICH TREATS OF HOW THE PRIESTS BORE THE PUNISHMENT; AND ALSO A DESCRIPTION OF THE EVER-MEMORABLE BATTLE OF THE MIRACLE.
WITH great reverence be it said of the priests, that they did penance, mounted after the style ordered in the foregoing chapter, for many days and with such fortitude as gained them the good will of many of their enemies in war. "The height of our perfection in grace," said one of the priests, as his ass went the round of the circle, "may be measured by the ease with which we can humble ourselves. And while we are chanting to these filthy fellows, let us not despair, but commend ourselves to heaven, praying that it will so ordain that our country be soon rid of this scourge; for though these fellows make promises enough with their lips, their hearts are full of treachery."
"Heaven help me!" exclaimed another, "for I am not accustomed to this punishment, and bear it with a tribulation I would thank heaven to be relieved from." In short, though they bore the punishment with remarkable fortitude, these ring performances were in no very high favor with them. Itching then for a chance to escape, and taking advantage of a moment one day when the "allied forces" (generals included,) were fast asleep, they clapped heels to their asses, and coursing down the road at full speed, were soon safe within the town, where high-mass was offered up for their deliverance, though not a word was lisped concerning the asses, which they wisely kept as an offset to their sufferings. And now when the allied generals awoke from their slumbers, and found the priests gone, they took it grievously to heart; for while they could ill afford to lose the asses, the priests would be sure to give the enemy such information as would be of great advantage to him.
A day passed and both armies were seen preparing for battle. But as neither had the smallest piece of artillery, and but a shabby display of cavalry mounted on lean asses, General Potter consoled himself that a victory could be gained without any great display of generalship: in short that, being commander in chief, it was only necessary for him to retire to a safe distance, where, like the famous Persian warrior, he could look serenely on while the armies battered each other to their heart's content.
It was early one bright morning then that a report spread through the allied camp, announcing the near approach of the enemy. True enough, the army was distinctly seen, advancing at a rapid pace, the King at its head, mounted on a mule, and surrounded by at least a score of priests mounted on lean asses. And so numerous was the King's army that the very hills around Nezub seemed black with moving figures. Seeing how matters stood the allied generals quickly mounted their steeds; and equally quick was the army in order and impatient for battle. And when the enemy had advanced near enough to let his teeth be seen, he halted. It was now evident that both army's were weighing the terrible consequences that were to result from this great battle, for they stood for some time making grimaces at each other, very like New York aldermen. Then sundry horns began to sound, and drums to beat. And this, strange as it may seem to those of my readers who may have admired the general good qualities of this singularly faithful animal, so disturbed old Battle's equanimity that he made several attempts to bring his master to the ground: indeed he became so fractious that the general again found it necessary to resign the honor of fighting this great battle to Don Perez Goneti, since the management of his horse was quite enough for the head of any one general. The reserve of the Kaloramas now appeared in the distance, emerging from every conceivable point, and sending up such yells as would have sent terror to the heart of anything but a vagabond army. And while the reserves shouted in the distance, the line opened fire upon the allied army, the generals of which were giving out such a confusion of orders as would have bewildered the most experienced soldiers. Not a hair did the vagabond army budge, but returned the enemy's fire with such vigor that his whole line was speedily in disorder. Charges and retreats were now kept up with wonderful spirit on the part of the vagabonds, though not a single dead body ornamented the field, which was saying no little, considering that this great battle was to decide the fate of a kingdom. And when I inform the reader that cries, groans, and piercing imprecations mingled with the clash of arms, and gave the conflict an air of ferocity it would be impossible to describe, the kindly feature of its result, which I am about to describe, will appear the more astounding.
Notwithstanding Commander Potter kept at a safe distance from the bullets, his horse, Battle, took it into his head to play him a very shabby trick, and which my love for the truth of history constrains me to record. Wonderful then as it may seem to those experienced in war, this little prank of the faithful steed ended the term of his own life and, as if by a miracle, gave the victory to the allies. And it was done in this manner. A bountiful providence, as if foreseeing the sanguinary character of the struggle that was to take place on this spot, had provided it with a quag-mire of considerable depth, and so covered its surface with soft, green moss, as to conceal its real character. It was on the margin of this mire then that General Potter took up his position; and just in the very hottest of the battle, a bee chanced that way in search of flowers, and lighting just under old Battle's tail, so goaded him with its sting that he sprang forward, and then halted with such a sudden motion as to vault the general over his head, and into the mire, his head and three-cornered hat only remaining above the surface. Having served his master this shabby trick, old Battle took to his heels, and dashing down the enemy's lines, sent such a thrill of terror to the hearts of the superstitious Kaloramas as made them scamper for dear life. In truth they fancied him the pale horse of the devil, so often described to them by the priests. Dashing onward with increased speed and wildness, the bewildered animal ran with great force upon the King's mule, prostrating animal and rider dead upon the ground, and, in sorrow and tears do I record it, breaking his own neck. Thus was the interposition of providence displayed in all its bounties, and an end put to a battle which, had it continued, there is no estimating the consequences. As it was, the King, old Battle, and the mule alone paid the penalty of their temerity, and lay dead upon the field. Thus ended the great battle of the Miracle.