The general, more impatient than ever, again interrupted by enjoining Mr. Tickler to stick to Linda, and omit what Leon said.
"When you have two lovers in a story," returned the critic, "you cannot well get along with what one said: you must fetch them along together."
"That may be your New York fashion," interpolated the general; "but I know one Joe Doane, of Barnstable, who had a whole year of love stories in his head, and got along well enough with one lover to a story."
These remarks somewhat displeased the secretary, who gave vent to his feelings in certain upward turns of his short nose. In truth, he was well-nigh ending the love story on the spot; for he cursed in his heart the stupidity of a gentleman of such shallow tastes that he would only have one lover in so good a story. But he bethought himself that now they were both high officials, he must show proper deference to his superior. "If you would have love stories," pursued the critic, with an air of regained pride, "pray take them in their natural state, and not as they are made by popular novelists, who get all sorts of murders into them. As to this young couple, seeing that Heaven (which forms destinies,) had ordered their love to run one way, I arranged their interviews, and so managed the exchange of their communications that they had pledged their affections in eternal constancy for months before the affair reached the ears of Linda's parents. And when it did, a great excitement was got up against Leon, who was charged with various crimes against the dignity of the family; indeed, so far was their indignation carried that several ambitious members of the family threatened him with no few ounces of cold lead. Opera singing was, at best, they said, but a shabby occupation, followed only by such trifling foreigners as had nothing else to do, and were wisely kept outside the pale of society.
"Leon then was cruelly separated from Linda, whose hard-hearted parents had her locked up in her chamber, where she remained seven months writing her grief in verses of such rare sentiment and purity of style that I doubt if Byron has anything to excel them. But finding that her love for Leon was incurable, and that the confinement was producing insanity of mind, her father thought to affect a remedy by offering Leon ten thousand dollars to quit the country. This he spurned, bidding the father give his money to him who measured the soul of man by its value.
"Linda's only companion during the confinement, was a pet canary, which she had trained to convey messages across the street, and into the window of a chamber occupied by one Minnie Rush, a companion and schoolmate, and one to whom she could intrust the secrets of her heart with explicit confidence. Through this medium then she discovered the place of her confinement to Leon, for whom I arranged a plan of scaling her prison and carrying her away. And this plan we undertook to execute of a dark night in November, when a pelting storm drenched the earth with rain, and the wind howled, and all the adverse elements seemed to have combined to complete the fury of the tempest. Linda was prepared, and paced her room with curious hopes and anticipations swelling her heart, and even filling her eyes with tears. When the clock struck twelve, we had, by dint of great exertion, got the ladder to Linda's window in the third story. And as Leon commenced ascending, Linda slowly opened the window. Fiercer and fiercer their throbbing hearts began beating; each second seemed an hour; and although the storm howled piteously, anxiety had so sharpened their senses that they distinctly heard the slightest movement. Quickening his pace as he advanced, and thinking only of the prize he would rescue from its prison, he was well nigh the top of the ladder. Another minute and the two lovers would have been clasped in each other's arms. Not a thought would have been wasted on the hard-hearted father; Leon would have borne the darling of his heart away in triumph! But lo! a crash was heard; the ladder yielded to the gale, and Leon, who was a man of much weight and circumference, fell to the ground with a broken leg. 'A pretty pickle you'r in now, Orlando Tickler,' says I to myself. But to make the matter worse, the ladder fell also, and so great was the noise that the father of Linda and two friends rushed out of the house in their night clothes, and with pistols in their hands. Seeing the cause of the disturbance, they at once gave chase after me; and though I would have stood by Leon until death separated us, it came into my mind that getting away as fast as possible would be the best service I could render him, seeing that it would afford him an opportunity to creep away into some hiding-place.
"I must not forget to tell you, general, that although I am a fleet-footed man, so closely was I pursued that I received not less than three shots in the skirts of my coat, and had been a dead man, but that two good-natured policemen came up, and stopping the enraged father, bid him give an account of himself; for they were unaccustomed to seeing gentlemen run naked in such a storm, armed with pistols. This enabled me to reach a place of safety. But the thought struck me that they would return and make search for Leon. I therefore followed them at a stealthy pace and at a safe distance for myself. Leon had crawled through a little gate and into a garden close by, where he found a shelter beneath some larch bushes, and was safe from the vengeance of his pursuers, who several times passed and re-passed within a few feet of him. The wreck of the ladder was all that greeted their eyes.
"When then the father and his friends returned disappointed to the house, I approached the policemen, and giving them an account of the affair and a few dollars, soon secured their good services. In truth, sir, they declared by their truncheons that if they had been let into the secret a little earlier the hard-hearted old parent had been locked up in the station house, and made to give an account of himself, and, perhaps, to pay dearly for being caught in a plight so dangerous to the peace of the neighborhood. They, however, kindly assisted in getting a carriage, in which Leon was got to his home, where he remained seven weeks without singing a note, and suffering much in mind, as well as body. And when he recovered, it was only to find that Linda was gone-had been carried away, and no one could tell him the place of her concealment. Thus forlorn, he gave himself up in despair, and came near dying of a broken heart, though he was attended by three physicians. But the post-man brought him a letter one day, and a timely letter it was; for by it Linda informed Leon that she was in Madrid with her father, which caused him so much joy that I had fears lest it derange his understanding. But a cloud came over his joy when she told him that such was the surveillance she was under that her life seemed a mere continuation of wretchedness. And while she still declared her love was unchanged, she artfully added that her father had so modified his opinions of foreigners as to press a suit between her and a Spanish Count, of whom it was said that he possessed estates in Arragon. This news seriously affected Leon, who was of an impulsive temper, and quick to give himself up to grief; for he knew what strange changes time and distance works in the mind of a young, ardent girl like Linda. He knew, too, how difficult a thing it was to resist the fascinating manners of the courtly Spaniard. All these things caused him to sorrow, and this sorrow so fed upon his heart that he resolved to get to Madrid with all speed and rescue her from so tyrannical a parent, though it cost him his life. But he was suddenly taken sick of a fever, which, in addition to well-nigh carrying him to the grave, left his intellect in a deranged state, and so reduced him in body that his friends resolved he had only a month or so more for this world. I had watched over Leon, and but for my poverty would have remained by his bedside until death separated us. It was my necessities, sir, that compelled me to join you.—"
"By my honor, friend Tickler," interrupted the general, approvingly, "I will now swear you make a good soldier; for such faith is rarely met outside of the profession to which I belong."
"As to that," resumed Mr. Tickler, "your great experience in these matters must make you the better judge. It then got (I turn now to Linda and Leon) into the papers that Leon was dead. And though I know not by what process this was effected, I can tell you that many obituaries were written in respect of him. Seeing that he had been so honorably disposed of by the editors, Leon held it better not to contradict the report, but as soon as he was in possession of sufficient strength, to leave in disguise for the scene where he would welcome death or win the prize for which his heart yearned.