[CLERICAL WIT]
An old gentleman of eighty-four having taken to the altar a young damsel of about sixteen, the clergyman said to him--"The font is at the other end of the church." "What do I want with the font?" said the old gentleman. "Oh! I beg your pardon," said the clerical wit, "I thought you had brought this child to be christened."
[A COSTLY EXPERIMENT]
An Irishman was once brought up before a magistrate, charged with marrying six wives. The magistrate asked him how he could be so hardened a villain? "Please, your worship," says Paddy, "I was just trying to get a good one."
[A GOOD REASON]
A certain minister going to visit one of his sick parishioners, asked him how he had rested during the night. "Oh, wondrous ill, sir," replied he, "my eyes have not come together these three nights." "What is the reason of that?" said the other. "Alas! sir," says he, "because my nose was between them."
[ECONOMY IN THE STABLE]
Jones, who was a student of economy, lamented the death of his horse. His friend sympathised and enquired the cause. "He was a wonderful horse, and if he had lived another day he would have proved a theory I have been pursuing." "How is that?" "Well, you see," replied Jones, "I reckon that it's all nonsense about having to spend so much on a horse's keep. I started this one with the ordinary feed, but gradually reduced the quantity." "And what did he have yesterday?" "Well, I'd got him down to one oat."
[THE PATRIARCH]
Three young fellows were strolling along a country lane, and saw approaching them a very patriarchal-looking old man. Thinking to take a rise out of him, they accosted him thus: "Hail, Father Abraham, Father Isaac, or Father Jacob." "Nay, my sons," the old man replied, "I am none of these, but rather Saul seeking his father's asses, and lo! here have I found them."