[HIGH AND LOW]
"I expect six clergymen to dine with me on Sunday next," said a gentleman to his butler. "Very good, sir," said the butler. "Are they High Church or Low Church, sir?" "What on earth can that signify to you?" asked the astonished master. "Everything, sir," was the reply. "If they are High Church, they'll drink; if they are Low Church, they'll eat!"
[BEER]
A gentleman, calling for small beer at another gentleman's table, finding it very hard, gave it to the servant again without drinking. "What!" said the master of the house, "don't you like the beer?" "It is not to be found fault with," answered the other, "for one should never speak ill of the dead."
[NOT IMPORTUNATE]
A lady having invited a gentleman to dinner on a particular day, he had accepted, with the reservation, "If I am spared." "Weel, weel," replied she, "if ye're dead, I'll no' expect ye."
[THE RELATIONSHIP OF HOG TO BACON]
A story of a Tudor judge is told of Sir Nicholas Bacon, who in the time of Elizabeth was importuned by a criminal to spare his life on account of kinship.
"How so?" demanded the judge.
"Because my name is Hog and yours is Bacon; and hog and bacon are so near akin that they cannot be separated."