"Thanks, mum," replied the cook; "but I wouldn't like t' take him int' th' parlour--he spits t'baccy."
[HER OWN FAULT]
Mistress: "Mary, don't let me catch you kissing the grocer's boy again."
Mary: "Lor', mum, I don't mean to, but you do bob around so."
[A POSER]
A new sentry was on guard outside the residence of a general; a small green was in front of the house and the strict orders were that no one was to cross it, human or otherwise, save the General's cow. An old lady coming to visit, bent her steps across the lawn as a short cut, but was called on by the sentry asking her to return. She was not unnaturally somewhat put out and said, with a stately air, "But do you know who I am?" "I don't know who you be, ma'am," replied the immovable sentry, "but I knows you b'aint--you b'aint the General's cow!"
[YOUTHFUL PRECOCITY]
A youth asked permission of his mother to go to a ball. She told him it was a bad place for little boys. "Why, mother, didn't you and father use to go to balls when you were young?" "Yes, but we have seen the folly of it," said the mother. "Well, mother," exclaimed the son, "I want to see the folly of it too!"
[ABOVE PROOF]
An East-India Governor having died abroad his body was put in spirit, to preserve it for internment in England. A sailor on board the ship being frequently drunk, the captain forbade the purser, and indeed all in the ship, to let him have any liquor. Shortly after the fellow appeared very drunk. How he obtained the liquor, no one could guess. The captain resolved to find out, promising to forgive him if he would tell from whom he got the liquor. After some hesitation, he hiccupped out, "Why, please your honour, I tapped the Governor."