The serving-maid was awkward and the joint fell on the floor. The young mistress was naturally upset and cried, "Now we've lost our dinner."
"Indeed you haven't," said Jane, "I've got my foot on it."
[THE RECRUITING SERGEANT AND THE COUNTRYMAN]
A recruiting sergeant addressing an honest country bumpkin with--"Come, my lad, thou'lt fight for thy King, won't thou?" "Voight for my King," answered Hodge, "why, has he fawn out wi' onybody?"
IRELAND FOR EVER
An Irishman homeward bound from America frequently expressed his delight by shouting, "Hurrah for Ireland!" "Hurrah for Ireland!" to the intense amusement of most of the passengers. One irascible old fellow, however, barely concealed his irritation at Pat's outbursts, and at last, exasperated beyond endurance, retorted, "Hurrah for Hell!" "That's right," said Pat. "Every man for his own country."
[ALL MEN ARE LIARS]
Thackeray was fond of telling the story of two men relating their adventures. One of them had told his companion something as having happened to him which was extremely improbable; the other capped it by a statement still more outrageous. "What a liar you must be, Jack," said his friend, to which he replied, "Well, we are telling lies, aren't we?"
[AN OBJECT LESSON]
The diner-out had waited a quarter of an hour for his soup. Calling the waiter he asked, "Have you ever been to the Zoo?"