"No, sir," was the reply.
"Well, you ought to go. You'd enjoy watching the tortoises whiz past."
AN UNKNOWN TONGUE
During the long French war, two old ladies in Stranraer were going to the kirk, the one said to the other, "Was it no' a wonderfu' thing that the Breetish were aye victorious ower the French in battle?" "Not a bit," said the other old lady, "dinna ye ken the Breetish aye say their prayers before ga'in into battle?" The other replied, "But canna the French say their prayers as weel?" The reply was most characteristic, "Hoot! jabbering bodies, wha could understan' them."
[A DOUBTFUL COMPLIMENT]
"Did you present your account to the defendant?" inquired a lawyer of his client. "I did, your Honour." "And what did he say?" "He told me to go to the devil." "And what did you say then?" "Why, then I came to you."
["SOMEWHERE"]
A lady who gave herself great airs of importance, on being introduced to a gentleman for the first time, said, with much cool indifference, "I think, sir, I have seen you somewhere." "Very likely," replied the gentleman, "you may, ma'am, as I have often been there."
[THE SCOTSMAN AND THE JOKE]
An Englishman and a Scotsman were on a walking tour in the Highlands when they came to a signpost which said, "Five miles to Stronachlachar." Underneath this was written, "If you cannot read inquire at the baker's." The Englishman laughed heartily when he read it, but refused to tell the Scotsman the joke. That night the Englishman was surprised at being woke up by his companion, who seemed much amused at something. Asking the reason, the Scotsman replied, "Och, mon, I hae just seen the joke--the baker might not be in."