One was of opinion that it was practically of little use, the other that it was of the greatest value. "Look at my boy Jack," he said, "he can answer any question you like to ask him. Here he comes, bringing my dinner. You ask him anything you like." "Jack," said the other, "your father tells me you are getting on well at school. How many are seven and four?" "Twelve," was the prompt reply.
"There you are," said the proud father, "right, within one, first blooming guess."
[THE RULING PASSION]
One of the chosen people, who was condemned to be hanged, was brought to the gallows, and was just on the point of being turned off, when a reprieve arrived. Moses was informed of this, and it was expected he would instantly have quitted the cart, but he stayed to see his two fellow-prisoners hanged; and being asked why he did not get about his business, he said, "He waited to see if he could bargain with the hangman for the two shentlemen's clo'."
[EDUCATION]
"Education is a good thing, Tim, an' don't you run it down." "Ever had any of it, Pat?" "Me? Well, I should say yes. I went to night school all one winter." "An' what did you get to show for it, Pat?" "What did I get? I got four overcoats, three hats, and seven umbrellas. Don't you tell me that going to school is a waste of time."
[A LONG GRACE]
A parish minister was in the habit of preaching two sermons on a Sunday morning to save his parishioners another journey to church. A young girl in the congregation became so tired and hungry that at the beginning of the second sermon she whispered to her grandmother, who accompanied her, "Come awa', granny, and gang hame, this is a lang grace, and na meat."
[THE USE OF FALSE TEETH]
The dinner had been a huge success, and a highly ornamented pie was much praised. The cook having been complimented was asked how she had managed to impart so much artistic taste into the design. "Well, mum," she replied, "I did it with your false teeth."