[HOW TO COLLECT]
A public man was appealing on behalf of a certain charity, when a note was handed up to him asking if it would be right for a bankrupt to contribute in response to his appeal. The speaker referred to this in the course of his lecture and said decidedly that such a person could not do so in Christian honesty. "But, my friends," he added, "I would advise you who are not insolvent not to pass the plate this evening, as if you do the people will be sure to say: 'There's another bankrupt!'"
[IMPERSONATION]
Captain: "What's he charged with, Casey?"
Officer: "I don't know the regular name fer it, captain; but I caught him a-flirting in the park."
Captain: "Ah, that's impersonatin' an officer."
[A SMART RETORT]
Facetious Doctor (to artist): "The pictures which hang on the walls are your failures, I suppose?"
Dyspeptic Artist: "Yes. And that's where you doctors have the pull over us. You can bury yours."