Dentist: "You are plucky, sir. Let me see the tooth."
Countryman: "Oh, 'tain't me that's got the toothache; it's me wife. She'll be here in a minute."
[CANDID ON BOTH SIDES]
"I rise for information," said a member of the legislative body. "I am very glad to hear it," said a bystander, "for no man wants it more."
[THE LAW AND THE PROPHETS]
A dispute about precedence once arose between a Bishop and a Judge, and, after some altercation, the latter thought he would quite confound his opponent by quoting the passage, "For on these two hang all the Law and the Prophets." "Do you not see," said the lawyer in triumph, "that even in this passage of Scripture, we are mentioned first?" "I grant you," said the Bishop, "you hang first."
LUCUS A NON LUCENDO
A man living in a quiet country place invited a neighbour to dine and spend the evening with him. The night being dark, when it was time to go, the guest, who had done himself very well, begged to be allowed to borrow a large lantern in the hall to light him on his way. The next day the host sent his servant round with the following note: "Dear old chap, I shall be glad to have back my parrot and cage if you have finished with it."
[THE ISLE OF MAN, AND A WOMAN]
A lady was telling her doctor that her maid objected to going to the Isle of Wight again, as the climate "was not embracing enough," and added, "What am I to do with such a woman?" The doctor replied, "You had better take her to the Isle of Man."