[A CUNNING ELDER]
A canny Scot had got himself installed in the eldership of the church, and, in consequence, had for some time carried round the ladle for the collections. He had accepted the office of elder because some wag had made him believe that the remuneration was six-pence each Sunday, with a bag of meal on New Year's Day. When the time arrived, he claimed his reward, but was told he had been hoaxed. "It may be sae wi' the meal," he said coolly, "but I took care of the saxpences mysel'."
[AS YOU LIKE IT]
An old Scotch laird used to say he didn't care how he dressed when in London, "because nobody knew him." And he didn't care how he dressed when at home, "because everybody knew him."
[UNNECESSARY CIVILITY]
Said the youth, in a triumphant tone, to the maid he was about to marry, "Weel, Jenny, haven't I been unco ceevil?" alluding to the circumstance that during their whole courtship he had never even given her a kiss. Her quiet reply was, "Oo, ay, man--senselessly ceevil."
[AT THE SIGN OF THE BARBER'S POLE]
The scene was a hairdresser's, the front of which was so arranged that passers-by could see what was taking place. A small boy approached and observed the process of hair-cutting with some interest; the singeing of a customer surprised the lad, who called to his chum, "Blimey, Charley, they're looking for 'em with a light now."
[AN IDENTIFICATION PLATE]
Two Cockney boys were examining the mummies at the British Museum for the first time, and one of them was much puzzled by the labels denoting the age of the contents. "I wonder what those figures mean?" said Charley, stopping before an exhibit marked B.C. 1500. "Garn, silly, don't you know? That's the number of the motor what run over 'im."