["YOU'LL GET THERE BEFORE I CAN TELL YOU!"]
A Fellow of Jesus College was handicapped by stammering, but when he used bad words he could talk fluently. In one of his solitary rambles a countryman met him and inquired the road. "Tu-u-rn," was the reply, "to-to-to--" and so on for a minute or two; at last he burst out, "Confound it, man! you'll get there before I can tell you!"
[AN UNHAPPY BENEDICT]
A poor man came to his minister and begged to be unmarried, for he was very unhappy. The minister assured him that was out of the question, and urged him to put away the notion of anything so absurd. The man insisted that the marriage could not hold good, for the wife was worse than the devil. The minister demurred saying that was quite impossible. "Na," said the poor man, "the Bible tells ye that if ye resist the deil he flees frae ye, but if ye resist her she flees at ye."
[A DIFFICULT TASK]
A school inspector, finding that the boys whom he was examining were inattentive, endeavoured to pull them together.
"Now then," said he, "will somebody please give me a number and watch how I make the figures?"
"74," called out a youth, and the class gazed while the inspector wrote on the board 47.
Another number was called for and a boy cried out "65" the inspector turned round and wrote 56. As the class took no notice the inspector became annoyed, and asked the boys if they noticed nothing different in the figures. Nobody replied, so he thought he would make another attempt and called again for a number. A long pause ensued, but at last a boy stood up and said 33, adding in a low tone, "See what you can do to twist that round."