An old lady wrote to the S.P.C.A. to protest against the cruel practice of scratching horses. She called special attention to a reference in the morning paper saying that three horses had been scratched on the day of the race--a most cruel and barbarous thing to do.
[THE POLITE COUNTRYMAN]
An Englishman being doubtful of his way inquired if he were on the right road to Dunkeld. With the national inquisitiveness about strangers the countryman asked his inquirer where he came from. Offended at the liberty as he considered it, the traveller reminded the man that where he came from was nothing to him, but all the reply he got was the quiet rejoinder. "Indeed, it's just as little to me whar ye'r gaen."
[A VIOLENT PARTNER]
A gentleman well-known for the violence of his temper had occasion to escort a lady down to dinner one evening. Unfortunately the lady was extremely deaf, of which fact her partner was unaware.
After they were seated, the gentleman addressed the lady, "Madam, may I have the honour to help you to some fish?" But he got no reply; after a pause but still in the most courteous accents, "Madam, have I your permission to send you some fish?" Then a little quicker, "Are you inclined to take fish?" Very quick, and rather peremptory, "Madam, do you choose fish?" At last the storm burst, and to everybody's consternation, with a loud thump on the table and stamp on the floor, "D---- you, will you have any fish!"
[WISDOM]
An Irishman, being asked the meaning of the phrase "posthumous works" readily answered, "Why, to be sure, they are the books that a man writes after he is dead."
[A DOUBTFUL POINT]
A minister engaged in visiting members in his parish came to the door of a house where his gentle tapping could not be heard for the noise of discussion within. After waiting a little, he opened the door and walked in, saying in an authoritative voice, "I should like to know who is the head of this house."