The Visions of Dom Francisco de Quevedo Villegas

by Francisco de Quevedo

“It is our will, pleasure, and command, that next and immediately under our proper person, you pay all honour and respect to the Lady Prosperity, and obey her, as the most mighty and supreme governess of these our dominions. Which titles and qualities we have conferred upon her, as due to her merit; for she hath damned more souls than all you together. She it is that makes men cast off all fear of God and love of their neighbour. She it is that makes men place their sovereign good in riches; that engages and entangles men’s minds in vanity; strikes them blind in their pleasures; loads them with treasure, and buries them in sin. Where’s the tragedy that she has not played her part in’t? Where’s the stability and wisdom that she has not staggered? Where’s the folly that she has not improved and augmented? She takes no counsel and fears no punishment. She it is that furnishes matter for scandal, experience for story, that entertains the cruelty of tyrants, and bathes the executioners in innocent blood. How many souls that lived innocent, while they were poor, have fallen into impiety and reprobation, so soon as ever they came to drink of the enchanted cup of prosperity! Go to then, be obedient to her, we charge ye all, as to ourself; and know, that they that stand their ground against prosperity are none of your quarry. Let them e’en alone, for ’tis but time lost to attempt them. Take example from that impertinent devil, that got leave to tempt Job; he persecuted him, beggared him, covered him all over with scabs and ulcers. Sot that he was! if he had understood his business, he would have gone another way to work, and begged leave to have multiplied riches upon him, and to have possessed him of health and pleasures. That’s the trial; and how many are there that when they thrive in the world turn their backs upon Heaven, and never so much as name their Creator, but in oaths, and then too, without thinking on Him? Their discourse is all of jollities, banquets, comedies, purchases, and the like. Whereas the poor man has God perpetually both in his mouth and heart. ‘Lord,’ says he, ‘be mindful of me, and have mercy upon me, for all my trust is in Thee.’ Wherefore,” says Lucifer, redoubling his accursed clamour, “let it be published forthwith throughout all our territories, that calamities, troubles, and persecutions are our mortal enemies, for so we have found them upon experience; they are the dispensations of Providence, the blessings of the Almighty, to fit sinners for Himself, and they that suffer them are enrolled in the militia of heaven.

“Item; For the better administration of our government, it is our will and pleasure, and we do strictly charge and command, that our devils give constant attendance in all courts of judicature; and they are hereby totally discharged from any further care of little pettifoggers, flatterers, and envious persons, for they are so well acquainted with hell road, that they’ll guide one another without the help of a devil to bring them hither.

“Item; We do ordain and command that no devil presume for the future to entertain any confident, but profit; for that’s the harbinger that provides vice the most commodious quarter, even in the straitest consciences.

“Item; We do ordain, as a matter of great importance to the conservation of our empire, that in what part soever of our dominions the devil of money shall vouchsafe to appear, all other devils there present shall rise, and, with a low reverence, present him the chair, in token of their submission to his power and authority.

“Item; We do most expressly charge and command all our officers, as well civil as military, to employ their utmost diligence and industry, for the establishing a general peace throughout the world. For that’s the time for wickedness to thrive in, and all sorts of vices to prosper and flourish—as luxury, gluttony, idleness, lying, slandering, gaming, and whoring; and, in a word, sin is upon the increase and goodness in the wane. Whereas in a state of war, men are upon the exercise of valour and virtue; calling often upon Heaven, in the morning, for fear of being knocked on the head after dinner: and honest men and actions are rewarded.

“Item; We do from this time forward discharge all our officers and agents whatsoever, from giving themselves any further trouble of tempting men and women to sins of incontinence, for as much as we find, upon experience, that adultery and fornication will never be left, till the old woman scratches the stool for her backside. And though there may be several intervals of repentance, and some faint purposes of giving it over, yet the humour returns again with the next tide of blood, and concupiscence is as loyal a subject to us as any we have in our dominions.

“Item; In consideration of the exemption aforesaid, by which means several poor devils are left without present employment; and forasmuch as there are many merchants and tradesmen in London, Paris, Madrid, Amsterdam, and elsewhere, up and down the world, that are very charitably disposed to relieve people in want, especially young heirs newly at age, and spendthrifts, that come to borrow money of them; but the times being dead, and little money stirring, all they can do is to furnish them with what the house affords; and if a hundred pound or two in commodity will do them any good, ’tis at their service (they say). This the gallant takes up at an excessive rate, to sell again immediately for what he can get; and the merchant has his friend to take it off underhand, at a third part of the value (which is the way of helping men in distress). Now out of a singular respect to the said merchants and tradesmen, and for their better encouragement, as also, to the end that the devils aforesaid may not run into lewd courses for want of business, we will and require that a legion of the said devils shall from time to time be continually aiding and assisting to the said merchants and tradesmen, in the quality of factors, to be relieved monthly by a fresh legion, or oftener if occasion shall require.

“Item; We will and command that all our devils, of what degree or quality soever, do henceforth entertain a strict amity and correspondence with our trusty and well beloved the usurers, the revengeful, the envious, and all pretenders to great places and dignities; and, above all others, with the hypocrites, who are the most powerful impostors in nature, and so excellently skilled in their trade that they steal away people’s hearts and souls at the eyes and ears insensibly, and draw to themselves adoration and reward.

“Item; We do further order and command, that all care possible be taken for the maintaining of blabs, informers, incendiaries, and parasites in all courts and palaces, for thence comes our harvest.

“Item; That the babblers, tale-bearers, make-bates, and instruments of divorces and quarrels, be no longer called fanes, but bellows; in regard that they draw and inflame, without giving any allay or refreshment.