“It is,” said he, “for a very politic reason; for otherwise he would soon want subjects of any other description; those of other trades are by far the least in number, while the others are so plenty, that if we could eat them all in one day, the morrow would supply as many more: they arrive continually, in one eternal troop. Sometimes in beholding them afar off, we imagine them to be entire armies, coming to besiege us: this trade is more useful in hell, than you would be apt to think: we send among the tailors, young devils without experience: their shops are so many academies for our youth. If you had nice eyes, you might perceive more than fifty young demons in each tailor shop; some cut the cloth; others the list; these take away the superfluous pieces; those put them in the place they call the street; while some do nothing but open and shut the place they call the eye. Some carry the cabbaged pieces to sell; others make complete suits out of the patterns cut from the cloth; in fine, there are many about the women, girls, and valets of the tailor, to assist them in stealing the cloth, or stretching the binding. When these young devils have finished their diabolical apprenticeship, they are sent to the merchants. In that station they abridge all the measures, and sometimes throw themselves into the scale, among the merchandise, to make it weigh more: if you could see all their tricks, you would be highly amused.”
When this course was removed from the table, they served another of tailors, roasted upon the gridiron: after that, others, baked in pates, smothered in a pot, fried in a pan, and dressed in a hundred different ways, with this only difference, that those of each nation had a particular dressing. The French tailors were spitted; the English, grilled; the Holland, fried; the Germans, smothered in a pot; the Italians, made into ragout; the Spanish, boiled, because they are ordinarily hard; the Polonese, in pates; the Hungarians, salad; the Turks, cooked in rice; the Greeks, in wine; the Arabians, dried in the sun; the Egyptians, with onion sauce; the Algerines, fried in lard; the Portuguese, preserved in sugar; the Danish, Swedish, and Muscovite, were almost all dressed in the same manner; that is to say, baked in brandy; the Tartar, boiled in horse grease; the Persian, fricaseed with gravy de demon; the Indians, baked in bananas; the Chinese, and all the islanders, were very much seasoned with spices and sugar; the Ethiopians, negroes of Fez, Morocco, and Guinea, were baked in black butter; and the Americans, in milk.
“What an immense quantity of tailors,” said I to the demon who was near me; “your cooks must understand their business, to be able to compound so many dishes of viands, which differ no more the one from the other, than the bullocks of Spain from those of Ireland.”
They served to Lucifer wine of the various publicans of the world. “Fie!” said I to the demon; “your master is hardly a connoisseur of wine.”
“You are mistaken,” said he; “it is true, that this wine has been mixed with water, sugar, and spices; but the publicans are obliged to separate all these drugs, even the water which they ordinarily put in, from the rest, which remains pure, fair and clear; if the publicans did not do this, they would put them in the press, and draw from their veins all the wine they had themselves drank.”
“How!” said I, “do you live upon nothing but human flesh?”
“How should we live else?” answered he. “Can we eat beef, mutton, partridges, fish, and beans? These animals come not hither, but in smoke; and herbs will not grow in a place so hot.”
“How can you say that animals come here in smoke?”
“It is those the idolaters sacrifice to the prince of demons: this smoke penetrates even to this place, and is the only perfume agreeable to our sovereign; for as to the scented oils, powders, and pomatums, of which the men and women of the other life make use, Lucifer is so incommoded, that those who are thus scented, dare not approach his apartment.”
“Egad!” said I, “Lucifer has then a smell keener than that of a hound.”