“Yes: he has so fine a scent, that he instantly knows whether a girl has been cautious or not; whether she has been married, or not, and the exact number of times: and the other day there came here a menette, who made a profession of menettisme, wearing the habits, air, et cetera: she wanted to make every thing appear smooth, saying, that she had been sent here for having administered to herself the discipline, contrary to the direction of her directors: but the prince approaching her, perceived, and said immediately, that this habit, modest as it was, covered much indevotion, sacrilege, gallantry, and falsehood. The young girl retired abashed; she had not imagined that any person could discover, under the exterior of such simplicity, what she had been guilty of, during her life; you see Lucifer has an exquisite nose.”
“If he has,” said I, “the other senses in a similar perfection, he well merits the commandery of hell.”
In the mean time, Lucifer, and the other lords, invited to his table, continued to eat with good appetite: besides the individuals of his council, there were a great number whom I heard designated by the names given to the gods of fable, such as Jupiter, Saturn, Apollo, Mercury: and to goddesses, such as Juno, Venus, Diana, Proserpina, and others; I should think there were at least fifty persons at table. These gods and goddesses were men and women, like the others; and in reflecting upon that circumstance, I thought they were princesses and princes, whom the people had put in the place of gods. But these ignorant people deceive themselves; for their gods, instead of being in heaven, are in hell. The same thing often happens in the world; a particular person is looked upon as a man of honour, who is, in fact, worse than one whom they consider the most knavish; another as a good man, who, in truth, is one of the worst; they frequently speak of one as happy after death, whose lot, if they did but know it, is quite the contrary: this is the sentiment of saint Pere, who said, “they peopled heaven with the inhabitants of hell.” The dessert served up to this great demon, was very pleasant to behold: it consisted of hypocrites, bigots, and apostate monks, all preserved in sugar: in the middle of it was a country seat in sugar: one could perceive the chateau, with its fosses, garden, park, wood, closes, vineyards, fish-ponds, fountains, jets of water, mill, stables, and farms; the whole being executed in the most perfect symmetry of architecture.
The demon observing my surprise, told me, the devil usually devoured goods unjustly acquired: “have you not,” said he, “heard it remarked, that property illy gotten, failed not to go to the devil? It comes to us; for be it known to you, that what is lost in the world, falls down here. You can find in our magazines things of every description: the entire shops of merchants, stores of grain and wine, tons of silver, an arsenal filled with arms, cabinets of jewellery and precious stones, tablets covered with antique medals, a kind of pantheon, filled with idols of gold, silver, and bronze, which you have no doubt seen at the houses of antiquaries: for the fruits of larcenies, spunging, and usury, always come straight to us.”
After the desert, the Jews and Turks brought coffee, tea, chocolate, tobacco, aqua vitæ, liquors, and opium. The lords drank of all, and Jupiter partook so freely of tobacco and brandy, that he became quite elevated: he began to sing a song in the Greek language, the substance of which was: “What a charming spectacle for the mighty Lucifer! the dead dispersed throughout this cavern, are to him delicious meats. Subtle Love, and you gods of combat, theft, and drunkenness, contribute to content the taste and desires of our sovereign. So long as one remains in Tartarus, he must not hope for any other pleasure; we must not think of objects to be procured in other places.”—While Jupiter repeated this song, Juno accompanied him, saying: “So long as one regains in Tartarus, he must not hope for any other pleasure. Lovers, you enhance our joy, for death hath separated you for ever.”—In imitation of Jupiter and Juno, Mercury and Mars sang thus: “Yes, while one remains in Tartarus, he cannot hope for other pleasures. The money which was our love, is lost for ever: we love it still, but despairing of enjoyment.”—Mars, with a voice of thunder, sang. “Yes, when one is in Tartarus, he must not hope for other pleasures. War, which was our delight, is no more for us, but a vain flourish: here one hears neither fife nor drum.”
After this little concert, which amused Lucifer, he made them call the players upon instruments, who joined the gods and goddesses. There was then heard the most frightful music: with the sound of violins and other instruments, which were played upon by those who had been musicians in the other world, there mingled a horrid noise of thunder, and raging wind, such as it produces when it rushes through a straight street, or groans, amid a wood of firs. This noise was succeeded by another, like that which is heard at the eruption of Mount Vesuvius or Etna: my ear was struck with a bellowing, like that of the sea, when agitated by a furious tempest. All these agents yielded to a choir of voices, that issued from the lowest depths: there was heard nothing but complaints, groans, cries, and howlings, similar to those of dogs, impatient of confinement. I should have expired with fear, if I had not been previously warned, that this was the music which would divert the prince of hell. Jupiter and Mars, in spite of their intrepidity, found this music so disagreeable, that they ceased singing, and signified their uneasiness to Lucifer. They then removed the table, and the service of plate; and the audience having been resumed, they began to call up cases of different states; and after having disposed of those pertaining to the people of justice, the sword, and the church, they cited the women of all conditions. The beautiful Helen then appeared, who complained that at her return from the siege of Troy, she had been condemned to be hung by Polixo, her relation, at whose house, in the isle of Rhodes, she had taken refuge, Nisistratus and Megapontus having driven her from Greece. She was asked if she had consented to be abducted by Paris; if she had accorded him the last favours before leaving Peloponessus; if she had granted the same to the king of Egypt, when his vessel touched at her country. She answered ingenuously to these questions, that having been married by policy and force, to prince Menelaus, she had acquainted him that she did not love him.
“Did you love,” said Lucifer, “the Trojan prince before marriage?”
“I had not then seen him; but my heart was never for Menclaus; it was free when Paris came to Argos, and its first impression was in favour of this stranger prince. Am I culpable for all the evils caused by the siege of Troy? Furthermore, the Greeks ought not to complain of this abduction, as a breach of hospitality: some years before, they had taken away a Trojan lady; and in ancient times, had not Jupiter, of Grecian origin, stolen Europa, a young princess of Asia, from this part of the world, inhabited by Trojans?”
Menelaus spoke after his wife, whose ingratitude and infidelity he exaggerated; he accused her of having poisoned him on the return from Troy. “Why assassinate me, when she had the liberty to go to her relations? Could I have done more to express my regret at her loss, after her elopement, than by building to her memory a temple, consecrated to Venus?”
“You are a very clever man,” said Jupiter to Menelaus; “who told you that a husband could make his wife love him by caresses and services? A woman who does not love her husband, takes all his cares for stratagems, invented by jealousy: she believes him false and wicked. Accuse only your patience and weakness; and between ourselves who are dead, since the living cannot hear it, it is a very good joke, to make so much noise about the infidelity of a coquette:” and Jupiter sang a song, the burden of which was, that one was often very happy to be rid of his wife, as he then could enjoy the advantages of liberty.