Example. A fence has been the evil genius of my life. It was not a remarkable fence, either; just a neat picket fence painted white. It surrounded a beautiful, well-kept lawn and guarded an old, pretty house which overflowed with books and toys. But the toys would sometimes become tiresome, and I would look wistfully through the fence at the children playing across the street. I would have liked to join them or to have them come over—but there stood the fence. I learned to read and gradually built up a play world of my own until one day I realized that I liked the fence. I no longer cared to play with the other children, and when I went to school I found that I could not play with them. The fence had followed me. The years outside the fence have changed me somewhat, but still whenever I am in a group of young people I have a feeling that I am not one of them. I want to stand back and watch them play. Some people call my backwardness shyness or timidity, others call it pouting and attribute it to a disagreeable disposition, but I know what it is: it is a neat picket fence painted white.
210. Link sentence to sentence within the paragraph by using words and phrases of reference, such as he, this, then, however, of course.
Example. There is a delicacy about sweet peas that makes them more attractive to me than any other flower in my garden. Notice the way the blossom is joined to the stem. It is poised there with such nice balance that at the least puff of air the flower sways on its long green stalk with the rhythm of the wind. And, too, their delicacy of color is beyond that of most flowers. Really, the only thing I can think of to compare with them is the clouds at sunrise. If you have noticed, the colors then are fresh and vivid from the light behind the clouds, though a faint mist makes them more elusive than the colors of broad day. In the sweet peas the same airy, translucent color is repeated—the wan white, the sober purple blending into lavender, the rose in infinite variety. And there are other things, besides—the dewy freshness that clings to them all day, the coolness of them, the faint perfume—which make me think them different from the rest of the flowers in my garden and which set them apart from all the others in delicacy.
211. Link sentence to sentence within the paragraph by causing each to grow out of the one preceding.
Example. A university is an institution of higher learning. For purposes of ministering the better to the various demands made upon it, it is made up of a number of colleges, as the college of medicine, the college of law, that of engineering, of liberal arts, of commerce, for instance, each college being in charge of an officer called the dean. The colleges, in turn, are composed of various departments, such as the department of Romance languages, of art, and of home economics; these are under the charge of officers called department heads or professors. And finally, each department presents many courses of instruction, like French, rhetoric, European history, and architectural drawing, each course being taught directly by an officer called an instructor or professor. Hence, although from the variety of its interests and the complexity of its activities it would seem that a university is an awkward, ungainly organism, nevertheless, if one examines it closely, one finds that it is a highly organized and smoothly running machine.
212. Avoid an inconsistent change in number within the paragraph.
Wrong. Here we find what amusements occupy his or her time. This is where their chief characteristics can be pointed out. Then a word here, an oddly written phrase there, or a lack of words gives us a clue to the nature of the student.
Better. Here we find what amusements occupy his time. This is where his chief characteristics can be pointed out. Then a word here, an oddly written phrase there, or a lack of words gives us a clue to the nature of the student.
213. Avoid an inconsistent change in person within the paragraph.