| A MAN seldom discovers that he hasn't
married his affinity until his wife begins
to get crow's-feet around the eyes.
IF YOU want to be really popular pat a bald
man on the head; call an old man "naughty
boy"; treat a young man with timid respect;
cling to a little man like the vine to
the mighty oak, and tell a fat man how
you love to dance with him.
THE man who declares a friend innocent
even when he knows he is guilty, and defends
a woman's reputation even when it
is scarcely worth defending, is not written
down a liar by the recording angel.
ODD how a man always gets remorse confused
with reform; a cold bath, a dose of
bromo-selzer, and his wife's forgiveness
will make him feel so moral that he will
begin to patronize you.
|
IT'S as hard to get a man to stay home after you've married him as it was to get him to go home before you married him. A MAN hates emotions; when a girl pours her heart out to him he feels as if she has emptied the warm water jug or the molasses cruet over him. A WOMAN will lie to anybody else on earth sooner than to the man she loves; but a man will lie to the woman he loves sooner than to anybody else on earth. MATRIMONY is a bargain—and somebody has got to get the worst of the bargain. THE most uncomfortable thing about being married is that you can never tell whether your friends are envying you or pitying you. |
ALL a man asks for in the love-game is beginner's luck. POKER and love are both games of bluff. A MAN has so many more temptations than a woman—because he knows where to go and find them. A MAN will sit on the edge of the bed, holding one shoe in his hand and gazing into space for half an hour, and then send the cook into hysterics and the waitress into nervous prostration because he has only ten minutes left in which to eat his breakfast. MOST bridal couples pile enough honey into the first month of matrimony to last a whole lifetime if thinned out and spread on economically. |
| WONDER if Adam ever scolded Eve for
her extravagance in fig leaves.
A BABY'S kisses taste of stale milk, a boy's
of jam, a young man's of cigarettes and
a husband's of cocktails.
OF course people can't carry their party
manners into marriage; but if they could,
marriage would be more like a party and
less like a prize fight.
SOME marriages of convenience turn out to
be about the most inconvenient things that
could possibly have happened.
WHEN perfect frankness comes in at the
door love flies out of the window.
MIGHT as well hail a Broadway car on the
wrong side of the street as to hail a man on the wrong side of his vanity. |
| DIVORCE is getting to be as painless as
dentistry. Two people pack each other's
trunks, genially shake hands farewell, wish
each other luck, and then go off to Europe
while the lawyers fight it out.
A MAN forgets all about how to make love
after ten years of matrimony; but it's
wonderful how quickly he can get into
practice again after his wife dies.
DON'T flatter yourself because he calls
every Sunday evening that it is a sign
that he's getting serious. It may only be a
sign that everything else is closed.
NO doubt when a man puts his cheek
against a girl's he always imagines that it
feels as smooth as hers does.
GETTING married is so easy that most
men are suspicious of it.
|