The Secret of Success.
During the long struggle between England and France, two ignorant old ladies were discussing the war as they went to church. One said, “Is it not wonderful that the English always beat the French?” “Not at all,” answered the other; “don’t you know that the English always say their prayers before going into battle?” “But,” replied the first, “can’t the French say their prayers as well?” “Tut, tut,” said the second; “poor jabbering bodies, who can understand them?”
The Preacher for Prisoners.
When David Dewar was a member of the Prison Board the question of appointing a chaplain for the jail came up. The favorite candidate of the other members of the Board was an unsuccessful clergyman. David, when asked to vote for him, said, “I have no objection; I hear that he has already preached a church empty, and if he will only preach the jail empty too, he is just the man for our money.”
The Squire and his Servant.
A Scotch squire was one day riding out with his man. Opposite a hole in a steep bank the master stopped and said, “John, I saw a badger go in there.” “Did you?” said John; “will you hold my horse, sir?” “Certainly,” answered the squire, and away rushed John for a spade. He got one and dug furiously for half an hour, the squire looking on with an amused look. At last John exclaimed, “I can’t find him, sir.” “I should be surprised if you could,” said the squire, “for it is ten years since I saw him go in.”
Proper Payment.
A boy went into a baker’s shop and bought a five-cent loaf. It seemed to him rather small, so he said that he did not believe it to be of full weight. “Never mind,” answered the baker, “you will have the less to carry.” “True,” replied the lad, and throwing four cents on the counter he left the shop. The baker called after him, “Hi! this is not enough money.” “Never mind,” said the boy, “you will have the less to count.”
The Corporal’s Watch.
A corporal in the life-guards of Frederick the Great was a brave but rather vain fellow. He could not afford a watch, but managed to buy a chain, and this he wore with a bullet at the end. The king, hearing of this, thought he would have a little fun at the soldier’s expense, so he said to him, “It is six o’clock by my watch; what time is it by yours?” The man drew the bullet from his pocket and answered, “My watch does not mark the hour, but it tells me every moment that it is my duty to face death for your Majesty.” “Here, my friend,” said Frederick, offering him his own costly watch, “take this, that you may be able to tell the hour also.”